• All aces experience their asexuality differently. •
Perfect! I’ve honestly never seen an orientation that alarmed people more than asexuality. “You must have been assaulted.” “You must be really inhibited.” “Have you had your hormones checked?” All the sort of crazy things people used to say to “diagnose” homosexuality still turns up for aces.
It’s far easier to be in the closet about asexuality of course, and I suspect the vast majority of aces just never bring it up and nobody knows the difference.
But oh boy the scrutiny when word gets out!
The first questions used to be all about whether someone is “really” asexual. As if it was an all or nothing thing. Like, do you ever have sexual feelings? Do you ever touch yourself? Have you ever kissed someone? Have you ever had sex even once? On, and on, and on, and if even one of the answers is in the affirmative the conclusion is either “aha, you’re not really asexual” or, more condescendingly, “so there’s still hope!”
Interesting statistic I read in a human sexuality textbook in the early 2000′s: the average lesbian has had almost twice as many male sex partners than the average hetero woman. (I don’t remember the reasons, though I think it had something to do with the old “you just haven’t met the right man” meme.)
Continuing the “just haven’t met the right…” meme it’s likely that many aces will have had sex partners as well, also based on the well-intentioned and/or uncomprehending “you haven’t met the right man/woman” with the hopeful addition of “maybe you’re just gay/lesbian” and haven’t met the right partner.
Just as the old “touching someone else’s dick even once makes you gay for life” meme is also bullshit, so’s saying “if you’ve ever done Teh Sex with another human being you’re not asexual.”
Again, I don’t know why having little or no desire, interest, or response to sex makes so many people anxious.
Anyway, yeah, asexuality isn’t just a thing. It’s a spectrum of things. Get used to it.