do you ever watch something and think “this was written by a man”

i was up late night watching an episode of criminal minds fairly recently, for lack of a better thing to do. in the opening scene there are these two girls getting into their car in like a supermarket parking lot, not very well lit, in the middle of the night. another car drives up right behind theirs and won’t move out of the way so this one girl is like “im gonna go see what this guy’s problem is” and gets out of the car, in a poorly lit parking lot, to confront a man who was behaving aggressively to them.

so that was the precise moment i realised that episode was written by a man.

I was watching an episode of CSI where the entire reason they were going forward with the case was that ‘no woman would wear a bra this expensive without also wearing the matching panties’.  What porn logic is this?  I was, at that moment, wearing the exact bra the Jane Doe was wearing and fuck no I didn’t spring for the matching panties.  Even if I did, I wouldn’t wear them as often as a bra.  Panties I wash daily.  Bras? Not so much.

But in CSI World, police resources were being mobilized on how irregular it would be for a woman to wear a $36 bra, but not caring about how she would look in just underthings.

Never mind not matching, but that they think $36 is expensive for a bra is probably the number one sign it was written by a man.

In Star Wars Padmé goes for Anakin while Ewan McGregor is around

And if not by then for.

Good clue: Any time anyone says “Every woman XYZ’s when a man does ABC…”

It’s sort of like a favorite saying of mine that goes “the only perfect family is the one you don’t know very well.”  Same with “every woman wants…”  Just means you either don’t know women very well or don’t know very many women.

And just to be certain, “good clue” isn’t the same as “ironclad guarantee.”  Because women, being human beings, are different enough that some of them generalize from experience and/or imagination too.