peachesthepuppers:

Titles in Bdsm, and why I don’t use one for my dom

Titles and roles are often talked about with high importance in the Bdsm community. They are a useful tool to set up and keep-up a certain dynamic. It’s also a good way to show respect to your dominant and be reminded of your role as a submissive.

I don’t have any specific name or title for my Dom. I just use their first name. Or B here on Tumblr. This is because no specific title suits them or our dynamic. We don’t fall into just one category of bdsm, so finding a title that flows with out relationship is hard. Also because I find titles restricting. Titles tend to restrict the natural ebb and flow of our relationship. Making me focus too much on what I “should” being doing based on my role. Rather than what’s needed in the moment. This ultimately plays into my perfectionism, which I’m sure many subs struggle with. Wanting to fit into my role perfectly. Which in the end hurts the relationship and stunts it’s natural growth.

I know everyone experiences things differently. Just remember that titles don’t make or break a D/s dynamic. I think whatever feels right and works for you, is the best choice. And you can always change things as you grow.

Awesome point!  I’d just add that “We don’t fall into just one category of bdsm, so finding a title that flows with our relationship is hard ” needs to be pushed a little harder.  Not everyone understands that BDSM isn’t a single thing.  Not even the classic three things of B&D, D/S, and S&M!  It’s a whole alphabet of ways of being!

Point being that @peachesthepuppers and their partner fall into their own category of BDSM.  Just like everyone else!  

Yes, some people fit into classic niches in BDSM.  And others find it easy and/or fulfilling to adapt their individual kinks to fit particular narratives they’ve heard of.  And if so then good for them.  Probably.  

But more… don’t.  Which is 100% fine too! 

Know what’s beyond 100% fine, by the way?  Not calling each other Sir, or Kitten.  Doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong just because other people do something and you don’t.