Wait i don’t get it only the Sadist should feel pleasur? In s/m relationship?


Not in my world they don’t. Here’s the thing: if the girl isn’t getting as much pleasure, broadly defined, from the experience as I am, it’s pretty much limp-noodle time. A total non-starter.

The first hard-core masochist I was acquainted with, an Englishwoman who discovered she was into serious, old-fashioned caning, had an arrangement with an older Englishman who’s entire pleasure came from helping her lower her pants, beating the shit out of her ass with a cane with basically no warmup, and then helping her back into her pants with nothing you’d really call sexual contact beyond her partial nudity.  This arrangement wasn’t “sexual” but it was immensely satisfying for both of them.

Not my, well, up of tea. He beat her hard enough to break the skin, and it took her weeks to heal.  But it evidently was exactly what both of them wanted.

Point being that with some kinks it’s a little hard to see what, exactly, is in it for the parties involved.

I know that for my friend it was the hours of masturbatory pleasure she got both anticipating these beatings and then remembering them.  According to her actual beatings hurt about like you’d expect – way too much for her to feel sexual pleasure during.  I expect her sadist must have felt something similar as she said he didn’t do anything overtly sexual either.

To repeat, while neither party got sexual pleasure they both got incredible satisfaction from it.

So here’s the thing about S&M, and kink, and sex, and relationships in general.  It’s important!  The thing is, there are different definitions of “satisfying” but everybody must feel satisfied by their standard of satisfaction or the relationship is not going to work!

If you don’t understand that then you can be a toolbag, or a doormat, or a user, or a codependent, or plain old sefish, but if you don’t think every partner should find satisfaction then you’re not kinky, you’re kind of just bent.