Weird question, but is it ok for a dom to want his sub on top sometimes during sex? Or does that screw up the power dynamic?




Anon, if you don’t understand how “I’m going to lay back and relax and you’re going to get on top of me and ride my cock until I tell you to stop” is plenty dominant, I really don’t know what to tell you.

Seriously, folks: anything can be dominant with the right approach and attitude. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

(Also, a woman-on-top sexual position isn’t inherently dominant or submissive for either partner unless you let it be. Don’t overthink things.)


Hey Anon, check this out:

“The strap on your shoe has come loose. Please hold still so I can fix it.”

Whisper that in her ear with the right tone and confidence, and she’ll grin and blush the entire time that you are down there on one knee. And that’s in a private setting. Do that in public, and she will never forget the calming exhilaration of being respected and cared for, yet gracefully controlled. In that moment, you will be her entire world, and she will want it to go on forever.

^^^^^ @patientlydominant gets it. *nothing*, sex act or otherwise, is inherently dominant or submissive. It’s all about the attitude you have, the approach you take. The example he gives above is a great illustration of that.

I think this concern is more common among Subs than among Doms, and I’ve found it a source of quite a bit of anxiety and even annoyance or anger!  So… Sub or Dom it’s an ok question to ask.

Short answer though?  Your Dom tells you to get on top? You say “sir, yes, sir!” That wasn’t very hard at all, was it?

Longer answer: Some very experienced Doms, above, have answered very clearly that there’s nothing inherently weak about a Dom being on the bottom.  And, to answer a concern I’ve heard before, it’s not an assertion of authority for a Sub to be on top.

But here’s the really, really important part: if you’re a Sub and you really can’t get over being on top, or if you’re a Dom who worries having your Sub on top of you is a problem?  It’s ok to talk about it!  Ok to negotiate it.  Ok to be willing to work on it but also ok if you just can’t get over it.  Everybody has limits.  We call it “kink” for a reason (and sometimes that’s the only reason for anything in kink!)  If that’s a real, hard limit for you?  “Get over it” isn’t going to cut it.  Talking about it will.

Side note: it’s totally fine for a Dom to go down on a Sub too.  One of the scenes I ever saw, while meeting friends at a BDSM party was a Dom who had her Sub chained to a St. Andrews Cross lashing him with a bullwhip till he was literally weeping.  She then knelt in front of him and I’m never going to forget the helpless, enraptured, deep-throated, echoing groans she drew from him with her mouth.  There was never any question who was in charge.  As with most other things in D/S, as LMS so nicely puts it, it’s not what you do, it’s about your attitude.  Both actually.  Go down on her.  Go down on him.  Nothing wrong with a Dom using their mouth to make their Sub completely lose control.

Second note: Little on top or Daddy on the bottom is rarely a problem in D/Lg where “hop on pop” is not only acceptable, it’s fucking adorable!!!