Went tos school then went to do my intership went home and i was like no daddy not today please am tired and my periods came got an answer you i want to am i have needsHe is pushing me to quite my Uni intership and be a good woman that stays in home and take care about the home and the kids that we will have one dayHe even wants kids but am like i do not feel ready i want career first and he is like no if i want kids we will i dont know if every dom is like this am feeling so tired bc of this

instructor144:

Fuck that shit. Isolation and cutting off from aspirations is CLASSIC abuser behavior. Leave. NOW. Seriously.

HELL!!! YES!!!!

Listen, gang: Dom and Sub are team positions!  Like quarterback and receiver or pitcher and catcher.  They mean something on the field but not off.  Even if you agree to play the game 24/7 it’s still a game!  Off the field you’re two whole, perfect, autonomous human beings. Agreeing to play with someone on the field doesn’t change your priorities or theirs off it.  In D/S one is just his Sub not his property, and he’s just your Dom not your goddamn English Common Law custodial male.

There’s nothing wrong with loving the hell out of someone and wanting to be with them, or loving the hell out of dominating them or submitting to them.  But it’s still an interpersonal relationship!  It’s a partnership!  Lose sight of that and it’s no longer a relationship.  Never lose sight of that.

Have that conversation.  You both need to have it.

Clue #1: One partner’s short-term biological urges do not trump another partner’s long-term developmental needs.  (Example: you’re cramping and he’s horny?  If he’s not getting you hot packs, chocolate, ibuprofen, and back rubs for you then why are you expected to wring his weenie for him?)

Clue #2: Quasi-romantic/fantasy Tumblr memes notwithstanding, legitimate self-care trumps caring for another.  (Example: if you faint from hunger you can’t feed a child; if you stay barefoot, pregnant, with no education and no career who’s gonna take care of the family when he has a stroke and can no longer work?)

Clue #3: This isn’t the fucking 19th Century!  WTF?  Does he also want your tombstone to say nothing but “loyal wife and helpmeet?”  Is that what you want?