What advice would you give for a sub who is positively sick but still wishes to carry out the usual routine she has with her Dom? My friend is having conflicting feelings with this. Her Dom is being very understanding and just wants her to rest, but not following their strict routine is making her anxiety go haywire. I don’t remember the last time they had a “don’t serve, just relax” day and it’s taking her to dark places.


He needs to make it a task. And frame it as “I expect you to respect my property. When you don’t treat yourself with care, it’s no different than if you key my car.”

This is good advice if you’re deep enough into D/S.  

What’s awesome, though, is it’s not about her Dom “fixing” her – she’s presumably doing grow up self-care with her healthcare providers.  Instead it’s about working inside an existing D/S framework, adjusting the structure to accommodate both her evident need for structure and the difficulty she seems to be having keeping up with her ordinary routine.

Big difference between saying “as your Dom I insist you go to the doctor” and saying “I’m changing your requirements, not reducing them.”

The first needs to be a meta-conversation outside the D/S dynamic: “As your lover and friend I’m worried that you’re not taking care of yourself.  Is there anything I can do to support you?  You’re important to me and I’m worried that if you don’t seek medical care you won’t get better.”

The second is inside the D/S structure and helps everyone maintain their equilibrium.