When I say I need a spanking…


I’ve written previously about what I need, giving spanking its own category. But when I say I need a spanking, what am I really saying? 

Spankings are not all the same for me. In my mind, they break down to about four types: sexual, subspacey, sadistic, and therapeutic. A spanking might move between these, but I think it’s a good framework to start to think about what I feel.

Sexual spankings. I get wet, and I might even cum from the spanking alone. This is especially true if it’s mixed with fingering. These are fun spankings. Less intense pain-wise than other types, and they may not last as long either, moving into sex. The goal is to turn me on. These are a display of dominance, and they don’t require anything deeper than that. 

Subspacey spankings. These are more methodical, building up gradually and paced so I can take more pain. And as it builds, I find that soft, floaty place. I’m wet, but that’s not the focus. Everything goes fuzzy, and it’s just him and me and energy moving between us. I stop thinking. My body moves to obey, but my mind is completely quiet—a rare thing. Usually these start over the knee, with his hand or a paddle. Then once I am warmed up and moaning softly, they move to something harder. A flogger or belt. The cane. These bring the impact back to the forefront, but only to get me to that next level of endorphin release. The goal is not to hurt me; the goal is to help me surrender. 

Sadistic spankings. These can be similar to subspacey spankings in their duration and intensity. The difference is that I don’t get to the floaty place. I stay more mentally present, usually because the pace or the intensity of the pain makes it harder to cope with. The blows come hard and fast, and I am on the verge of yellow at almost all times. With these spankings, I’m not supposed to reach subspace. The goal is to hurt me, and my purpose is simply to accept the pain and endure. It’s still about surrender. But fully conscious surrender, knowing my body is property, and he can use it as he chooses.

Therapeutic spankings. I am pretty good at bottling up feelings and just soldiering on. But a therapeutic spanking can be really helpful for releasing those feelings. I tend to fight the tears and try to keep myself from crying. Even when I know I need to cry. But some combination of the pain and the quiet, consistent tone of the spanking can help me to let go. Then I just cry through it until there are no tears left. There is something cleansing about these spankings. And for that reason, I tend to think of punishment spankings in this category, too. The goal isn’t to hurt me, and it isn’t to quiet my mind. The goal is to show me that he is with me on a deep level—that I can trust him to take care of me when I’m not my best. 

As far as what draws me to spanking, it’s a little of all of this. It turns me on. It quiets my mind. It strengthens the bond between my Dom and me. It gives me an opportunity to give myself to him more deeply, overcoming my instinctive response to the pain and accepting it. And it gives me a deep emotional release and makes me feel safe. 

But when I say I need a spanking, it’s usually because I need to reconnect with my Dom or because my mind is racing and too much is going on. This is where a subspacey or therapeutic spanking can change my whole outlook on life. Nothing makes me feel owned and safe and connected to my Master like spankings. They tell me that he sees me and that he is with me. Spankings are so centering for me, both for myself and for my relationship with my partner. This is why I need them.

Lovely explanation of the differences. Good idea not to confuse them. If you’re not sure which to give (or if you’re not getting the kind you want) it’s a good idea to check in. You and your lover will both enjoy (or at least appreciate) the spanking a lot more.