Why masculinity is so fragile


from the perspective of a black man in America:

I believe Masculinity is so fragile for a lot of men because of the way they were taught what it was. This rigid set of rules/ traits to being a man that left no room for compromise.
1. Be strong physically
2. Be dominant and assertive
3. Don’t show emotion other than anger or happiness with only a few exceptions. And then only for a brief moment. Too long and that’s not manly
4. Be successful/the bread winner
5. Suck it up. Men don’t cry, men don’t hurt.
6. Love/ be attracted to women. (Any support to those men that don’t is a violation).
7. Men don’t *insert action stereotyped for only women*.
And a lot of other misogynistic and homophobic things I would sit here for hours listing.
If you were to lack in any of these traits, violate any of these rules, then your validation as a man came into question. And in the same respect your identity.

A lot of it has become ingrained, it will take time and effort for a lot of men to unlearn these things.

I’ve already admitted to being a grumpy porn-mocking Daddy so I might as well give a big three cheers for this post from clarknokent.  But you know when people… mostly women… talk about “toxic masculinity?”  It might look like that from the outside, and to be honest the side effects really are pretty fucking toxic.  But really, inside?  A better term is “fragile masculinity.”  

Because all that chickenshit in items 1-7 and beyond?  It’s all stuff we do because we think we’ll be mocked or otherwise emotionally destroyed if someone finds out we weren’t born six feet tall with a full set of teeth.

Problem is we think all that bullshit bluster is how you “pull women” (and maybe not get called a ‘fag’ by all the guys?) but every one of those things makes you less attractive.  I mean, man, you gotta be really something for most women to put up with your chickenshit!

As if handing your wife her purse is somehow going to “make you gay.”

If you’re a man and you’re attracted to women the best way to “pull” them isn’t to “be a man,” it’s to actually be a man!