I spent 20 wonderful years as a dad. As a father. A pretty good one actually. A stay at home dad, full time till they were old enough to get to and from school on their own. Comforting them when they woke in the night. Changing their diapers. Shopping and cooking three meals a day, seven days a week. Cheering for them on soccer sidelines. Wore dad jeans and t-shirts. Drove a still-beloved but now battered minivan thousands of miles. Chaperoning school and ski trips. Reading them to bed till they were old enough to read faster than I could read to them. Telling them stories late at night and holding their hands till they fell asleep. Sat with them all night through illnesses great and small. Supporting them before first dates, welcoming their boyfriends or girlfriends when they nervously introduced themselves, comforting them over high-school heartbreaks too. I loved being their dad. And I’ll always be a dad to them.
But that part of my life is over. Time to explore something new. I’m just getting over a relationship with a wonderful, brilliant, educated, talented, and beautiful woman… who loved much older men. Who rather loved to play Little/Daddy games, to share teacher/schoolgirl fantasies, and who introduced me to a lifestyle that for all my pre-fatherhood experiences in kink I hadn’t really heard of as a thing.
And as these things go I became overwhelmed by the impossibility of our situation. Not of our ages but of the obstacles that kept us apart – a father who’s commitments to fatherhood made my passionate desire to be her Daddy insurmountable.
And as these things go she found a man closer to her own age, one who shares her interests, one who she can be lovers with, and live with perhaps for the rest of her life.
As a father I’ve learned to let my children leave our home for school and life. With heartache of course but also pride. As a Daddy I’ve learned to let my Little move on as well. With heartbreak – god so much heartbreak! – but with love and pride for her as well. And all the best wishes and all my love.
And now? After 20 wonderful years as a father, and several wonderful years as a Daddy too? It’s time for me to put away what’s been. It’s time to start living the next 20 years. To discover new wonders.
I’ll never stop being my children’s father. I’ll never stop being their dad either. Nor will I ever forget my sweet Little, no more than I’ve ever forgotten the first girl I kissed as a teenager.
But… like it or not (I kind of like it) and embarrassed or not (I’m a little embarrassed) I’ve realized I’ll never stop being a Daddy either.
So I’ve started this blog. Sometimes I’ll say dumb things. That’s why the comments are open. Sometimes I’ll say sexy things. Sometimes I’ll share my breakdowns, and other times my breakthroughs. Sometimes I’ll give directions. Aad sometimes? Y’know something? Sometimes I’m going to ask for directions. Because sometimes I’ll need your help too.
I was always a confident dad. I don’t mean I never made mistakes. But I never felt a moment’s doubt that what I was doing was worthwhile, was worth my life! But that’s because I had 20 years of experience of it – with little humans I knew from the moment I saw them being born. I’m not always going to be a confident Daddy though, because that way lies arrogance, entitlement, and at best benign neglect. Also because a new relationship with a Little – with an adult partner! – begins not at their moment of birth but at the moment of our agreement! D/L is a relationship between adults – between equals! Honored and respected equals, no matter what the terms inside that relationship.
So again, as I said, I’ve started this blog. For accountability. For encouraging and encouragement. To be educated and maybe to educate. Aaaannnddd… maybe to flirt a little too. Or (Dad joke warning – I promise to work on the dad joke thing) to flirt a Little!
Sigh. Transitions are hard. If you help support me I’ll help support you too.