friendly reminder: 

you are no less of a sub if you aren’t into pegging, chastity, prolonged denial, pain or masochism (even the gentle kind). You can be submissive by nature and still not wish to be degraded, humiliated, or tortured. It’s okay to be submissive in the way you choose to be submissive. 

And you are no less of a Domme if you have a massive praise kink, or just want to spoil a sub, and pamper them. You can still be dominant by nature and not want to hurt your sub, degrade them, use corporal punishment or call them names. You can still be dominant and want to worship your sub with soft kisses, gentle touches and whispered praise in the dark. It’s okay to be dominant how you choose to be dominant.

Express your kink how you want to express your kink. I promise, there is someone out there who enjoys it the same way you do. 

At its core, D/s is a power exchange dynamic. And you are allowed to give or take control however you please (with consent) and please please please don’t let the glamorized and idolized Tumblr-centric view of D/s dynamics taint or color the way you value your dominance or submission because you don’t fit in the stereotypical boxes that are represented on this platform. 

EDIT: I am not intending to kink shame ANYONE, but I’ve noticed the Tumblr community focuses a large amount on the degrading aspects of BDSM, and that’s not everyone’s kink, for various reasons. And I wanted to write something supportive for those more into the lighter side of things. I promise, I don’t give a flying flip how you express your kink. that’s kind of my entire point. 

Wonderfully said, @softandsquishygfd! Many times a guy approaches me and starts apologizing right off the bat for not being into that kind of BDSM. You like what you like and NO ONE can say otherwise.

Well said indeed, @softandsquishygfd. Speaking for me and my babyboy; team gentle is in the house. ❤️

Society’s just so fucking ingrained with the stereotype that “Dom” = “Man” and “Sub” = “Woman or maybe possibly gay man” that the reality doesn’t even register.  It’s not that tops and bottoms aren’t almost perfectly distributed between all sexes, genders, orientations, and identities.

Hell, we have to make up whole other words for women who top.  “Domina!”  Or, ooh!  “Dominatrix!”  Because we can’t bring ourselves to say “Dominant” or plain old “Dom” when referring to a woman.  And dear god I’m gonna hurl next time I hear a Submissive man called a “sissyboy” or “forced femme.” 

Ugh!  Anyway, just a big, happy, collegial tip of the hat to Dominant women like @softandsquishygfd@lady-reia@dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts, and an equally enthusiastic acknowledgment to the men who Submit to them.

Also, make sure you read @softandsquishygfd’s lovely manifesto.  Don’t be Tumblr-blind about power exchange stereotypes either.