I don’t know if this is common but being a sub makes me happy but not being a sub makes my mental health million times better. It’s like being a sub is what my mind and body wants but being my own person is what my soul wants. Is it normal to be a submissive person who is better off not being a sub?

theladyjanedoe:

cherished-property:

submissive-seeking:

instructor144:

I’ll admit I haven’t come across this phenomenon. Followers?

“…but being my own person is what my soul wants.”

It sounds to me like there’s a strong possibility that you are choosing to submit to someone who isn’t in sync with who you are.

In my book, the “right” Dominant, sees who you are (the good, the bad, and the fucked up parts) and sees the best self you are working to fully become. The right Dominant provides for your needs with that goal as the destination for you and the relationship.

I know of no greater pain in living than when your insides don’t match your outsides. So if your soul is being lead in the wrong direction, of course your mental health suffers.

My Sadistic Dominant Hubby is a quiet dignified man who is an organized introvert. I most definitely am not! Our inside joke is that I keep Him from boring Himself to death and He keeps me from flying right off the face of the earth. The one thing He’s never done is change me; He only provides the right circumstances for me to become the best me I can.

This is absolutely it. It’s about fit. When you find someone who accepts you for who you are, they lead in a way that honors who you are. This is why I am so uncompromising when I am talking to potential Dominants.

Recently a man asked how I would feel about being told I can’t work late. This is during an extremely stressful time with project deadlines. And any Dominant of mine would know that I only work long hours when it’s absolutely necessary, and they would never ask me to sacrifice my career. Not a good fit. Bye bye.

Other D types have been huge into their girl wearing makeup or lingerie or stockings or whatever. I can do those things, but it would not be sustainable for me to do that all the time. So I don’t pursue relationships with people who place a lot of value on that.

These things chafe at you, and they make you feel like submission runs counter to who you are. The wrong fit will do that. But when it’s right, you can let your guard down. You stop feeling like you have to protect your space to be yourself because they won’t ask of you what you absolutely can’t give.

Either anon isn’t with the right person, or they aren’t communicating clearly about these areas of internal conflict. A good Dom would not knowingly demand that you compromise the things that feed your soul.

This hit me HARD in heart and makes a lot of sense regarding why some parts of me don’t fit with the standard “tumblr submissive.” When I try to act like that ideal, I am miserable. This is good insight. Thank you both.

Sound advice, above. The only thing I liked less than being a Dom was not being a Dom. Then someone dear to me introduced me to D/Lg. I’ve been a supremely happy, comfortable, and confident non-Dom Daddy ever since.

So I just want to reinforce the point that there are more flavors of power-exchange in kink than D/S.

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