I’m a new submissive (who’s trying really hard) and I’m talking to a potential Dom… he’s in an open relationship with him submissive and wants to see how things go between him and I. I don’t know how to get past the jealousy of his partner or other submissives. Can I dom seriously have more than one sub? I have no intention of wanting to engage with anybody other than him.
Wow, this is a wonderful question. I’m glad you’ve asked!
The short answer is that Doms and Subs are human beings and it’s possible for human beings to have more than one partner. And so it’s possible for a Dom or a Sub to have more than one partner.
But!
Just because we’re capable of it doesn’t mean one has to agree with it or go along with it.
It sounds like it’s not for you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. My blunt recommendation, especially if you’re new to all this, is to keep looking. Even though it’s frustrating and hard and I know you’re trying really hard!
But as with any relationship, a kinky relationship should make you happy! And based on what you’ve said I don’t think you’ll be happy being his secondary partner.
Again, my guiding principle is if you wouldn’t put up with it from a vanilla partner you don’t have to put up with it with a kinky partner.
There are plenty of monogamous D/S relationships!
Like any other kind of good long-term relationship, they’re a little harder to find – not everyone in kink seems to see it that way. But they’re there. And in your case they’re probably worth looking for.
This doesn’t mean you might not be able to learn things from the Dom you’re talking to. If you’re new and if you’re really confident he can teach you things then you might want to get a little closer. But it sounds like he’s quite clear that he’s not interested in an exclusive or even primary relationship with you – and to be honest if he’s willing to give up an established Sub to be exclusive with you what’s to say he wouldn’t find someone else before *you* were done being together?
There are ways to work with jealousy in poly relationships – the big myth is that poly people never get jealous. But before you go there you have to ask yourself “do I want to be poly?” And if the answer is no then you don’t need to work on ordinary jealousy. (Ordinary jealousy is where you feel bad when someone flirts with your partner or they flirt back; restrictive jealousy is when you can’t stand them even being in the same room with someone. That you still have to work on.)
Anyway, best of luck, ok? You’re new to this and especially when you’re new it can feel like you just want to get started. But if you keep looking you’re likely to find someone who’s at least a little bit more compatible.
