my boyfriend and i were facetiming and i said something like “can’t wear that bc i have man shoulders” n he goes “yea u do hv some man shoulders” and i was like haha thank u! for shitting on my already terrible self-esteem. when all i’ve been doing is relapsing in my eating disorder and body checking constantly and all i can think about is how much i eat. and all i wanna do now is be petty and ignore him. like that just pisses me off. yea it may be true but if you know i hate myself that much???
I want to be hyper careful about answering because ED is serious, ok? Like. If you’re worried you’re falling then stop long enough to check in with your caregiver or sponsor or support people.
Triggering is so tough sometimes. I say this because if someone said “I have man shoulders” I’d probably also say “you do,” but I’d mean it as a total complement! For a lot of guys, me included, nice shoulders on a woman are hot!
Unless “man shoulders” is some kind of fashion or ED euphemism I’m not familiar with. That your boyfriend might not be familiar with either. (If he does, and if he knows you’ve been struggling lately, then it wasn’t very responsible of him.)
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Triggering happens in the midbrain, at a level before the “rational” coreyex kicks in. So I really want to acknowledge that he said something and you feel really hurt and angry and, especially, not supported. I’m sorry and he probably is too.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, ok? But please do things that really take care of yourself.
I’m of the opinion that if your SO thinks it’s ok to talk to you like that you need to move on. Passing insults like that are not ok. You don’t talk shit like that to people you love and care about. If you have something to say that could hurt your SO’s feelings, isn’t it your first nature to word it in a way where they understand the sentiment and can be constructive with it while sparing their feelings and being respectful? I don’t understand how that shit can come out of his mouth to you and he thinks it’s ok. I’m kind of hair triggered on the subject because my first relationship started at my standard of mutual respect and 4 years in this guy had gotten comfortable enough to call me fat bitch/cunt etc regularly, and I felt like I wasn’t tolerating it and setting boundaries because I never used that kind of language at him and I would tell him it wasn’t ok. I stopped tolerating it when I dumped his fucking ass.
Just want to be clear that if having ”man shoulders” is some kind of intentional euphemism or insult that I’ve never heard of yeah, taking care of yourself includes moving on.
