my boyfriend and i were facetiming and i said something like “can’t wear that bc i have man shoulders” n he goes “yea u do hv some man shoulders” and i was like haha thank u! for shitting on my already terrible self-esteem. when all i’ve been doing is relapsing in my eating disorder and body checking constantly and all i can think about is how much i eat. and all i wanna do now is be petty and ignore him. like that just pisses me off. yea it may be true but if you know i hate myself that much???
I want to be hyper careful about answering because ED is serious, ok? Like. If you’re worried you’re falling then stop long enough to check in with your caregiver or sponsor or support people.
Triggering is so tough sometimes. I say this because if someone said “I have man shoulders” I’d probably also say “you do,” but I’d mean it as a total complement! For a lot of guys, me included, nice shoulders on a woman are hot!
Unless “man shoulders” is some kind of fashion or ED euphemism I’m not familiar with. That your boyfriend might not be familiar with either. (If he does, and if he knows you’ve been struggling lately, then it wasn’t very responsible of him.)
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Triggering happens in the midbrain, at a level before the “rational” coreyex kicks in. So I really want to acknowledge that he said something and you feel really hurt and angry and, especially, not supported. I’m sorry and he probably is too.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, ok? But please do things that really take care of yourself.
