Today I understood that there is no other healthy choice but to ask for a release. What can I do to minimise emotional damage for both parties? Plus we have some mutual work projects with my (still) dom, so want to make transition as peaceful as possible. Plus this is gonna be my first d/s breakup, is there anything what should be considered/taken care of on top of usual vanilla breakup stuff?
Followers, chime in with ways you have found to separate in a compassionate way that minimizes the damage?
I think the most important thing is to be absolutely clear about what you want. I’ve seen more backsliding in D/s breakups than in vanilla ones, in part because the structure of the relationship feels so comforting. There is no way to soften the pain you will both feel when that structure disappears. So be sure about it, and don’t continue to follow rules that aren’t rules anymore.
It’s tough when you work together. But once that wraps up, I’d recommend a period of no contact. I’ve managed to salvage friendships with some of my former Doms/partners, but only after some time apart. You both need time to reset boundaries.
Good luck to you. It’s a rough transition. Reclaim yourself. And take care of yourself. <3
The big thing is to remember and communicate that there are way fewer bad people than there are bad fits. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was “honor the person you met, not the one you broke up with.” Because they’re the same person.
It’s just that relationships have their own dynamics or even “personality” independent of the people in them. Which sounds crazy, but you know you’ve seen it in other people when they’re in and out of relationships, or in different ones. It’s the same for you. Same for him too.
I’m going to gently point out that while you’re inside a D/S relationship one can “ask for a release” but let’s be clear that you’re an autonomous human being who’s exercising agency: you’re not asking to be released, you’re releasing him.
Just understanding that can be enough to alter your dynamic.
Like. Consider the hypothetical that you ask and he said no, he won’t release you. Would that mean you’d have to let him continue to Dominate you? Would you be consenting in a meaningful sense if he did? No, not really.
And since you’re only a Sub and not a doormat or codependent, once you recognize you’re really talking about withdrawing consent it may make it easier to be clear with him if he wishes to continue at least the D/S side of your relationship.
Best of luck.
