At our last munch i was asked not to bring my little sub anymore shes badly trained and not welcome Neither of us know what she did wrong but ive been strict on her ever since and every want she has is denied. I’m frustrated embarrassed with her and upset with myself for bringing her out when she wasn’t ready Yesterday she was crying in a corner when I got home she tried to hide it She was sick couldn’t do her chores and thought I would release her I feel horrible I’ve made her like this
OK, first and foremost: fuck those people. Narrow minded, judgmental motherfuckers. Your girl is your girl. She is yours. She is your priority. Going all strict and Domly⢠on her ass is not helpful, so fucking stop it. Be with her, cherish her, and get your priorities straight. She is your priority!
Local bdsm âcommunitiesâ can be and usually are EXTREMELY cliquey! They are frequently not promoting community which is usually their stated purpose. Often the leaders are the worst. I have seen people ostrosized from our local group for no apparent reason. Hell I have come under criticism by people who donât know me and have not earned my respect, just for being a little different than their concept of a Dom! (Of course none has lived in this lifestyle 24/7/365 for 30+ years as I have. But I digress!)
Deserved or not others have well and thoroughly deconstructed the anonymous Dom. Iâm more curious about the folks at the munch and the Subâs behavior.
- Some communities really are stick-in-the-ass in-groups. They should call themselves exclusive cliques instead of communities.
- Some Doms really are clumsy and not really in control of themselves or their Submissive partners. They probably shouldnât call themselves Doms.
- Some Subs really are out-of-control assholes who probably shouldnât call themselves Subs.
The issue could be any one or any combination of the above.
But alsoâŚ
Most munches really are social gatherings, often in public places with public faces. Theyâre not for roleplaying, sexuality, single-partner focus, or showing off. Theyâre rarely for taking selfies. They may not be for asking or using âsceneâ names, or, alternatively, for using real names. Theyâre almost never for hooking up of any kind. The anon didnât specify what they or their sub did, or whether it was a specific in-clique âtransgressionâ or just a possibly-newbie misunderstanding of appropriate public behavior for a social, non-sexual event.
When you go to a munch, and especially when you bring a guest to one, itâs a very good idea to check the guidelines. This is pretty easy because guidelines are almost always right there in the announcement. Itâs also obviously a very good idea to explain thoroughly and clearly to a guest what those guidelines are.
Itâs not always the case that group members will think itâs necessary to explain why someone wonât be allowed back. It could be because theyâre assholes, but it can also be because it seems obvious to them (cough*published guidelines*cough.) In my opinion only itâs still pretty bad form not to explain though. Particularly in this case where the anon has done a universal crackdown on their Sub rather than addressing their specific transgression.
TBH my guess is that unless the anon was also brand new to the munch they probably have a pretty good idea what the issue was. And unless they really donât know anyone else there they might want to make a quite and very polite request for confirmation or clarification. And finally, they might also want to make contact to apologize for bringing that particular guest, even if they donât plan to go back either, because everybodyâs reputation is on the line. Theirs, their Subs, and the groups.
Again, if itâs group-specific then closing the iron door on the group seems like a good choice. If itâs the Subâs behavior it would be good to know whether they could be trusted to behave as a guest at, oh, say, a work or family function.
