dsWhat breaks my heart a little is that the boy almost certainly didnât have a dad or mom who could give him the corresponding talk. Â
Back when she still had a fresh eye, Naomi Wolf introduced a super-important concept in a book called the Beauty Myth, basically laying out how Patriarchy indoctrinates women to so so thoroughly judge themselves (and judge each other) by standards of beauty that actual menâs opinions become secondary.
Whatâs less well understood is that the same Patriarchy indoctrinates men to judge ourselves and each other by similarly detached standards of âworthiness.â As the Canadian comedy character Red Green always put it âif the women canât find you handsome they should at least find you handy.â
In this toxic atmosphere, boys teach each other that a girl couldnât possibly be attracted to a man whoâs âless handyâ than she is with tools, games, grades, income, or accomplishments. And this is almost certainly why the boy was so butt hurt. Especially if his more âworthyâ peers (ability to be a marine automatically confers more âworthinessâ) wanted her to be on their side rather than his.
This shit is ground deep into men from childhood and for that reason parents in general and fathers in particular need to help their sons (and daughters) understand that girls like boys for way more than their ability to shred on a guitar, get achievements in games, bench press more weight than their peers, work longer hours or rise higher in their jobs.
âWorthiness,â like âbeauty,â is only a threshold and pretty low one. Saying it doesnât matter at all isnât quite true… you canât be a 100% net drain on a relationship. But, all due respect to Cee Lo Green, sorry man but if you was richer she still probably wouldnât be with ya.
The âWorthiness Mythâ is a big-time myth. The boy in the story let his worthiness butt-hurt blow his chance with what sounds like an awesome potential girlfriend.
Itâs the 21st Century. Feminism has something for everyone including desperate, butt-hurt teenage boys. Teach them that too.
