Why do I see so many posts on how to be a Dominant Female/Woman/Goddess/Queen/Etc written by men?? Some are decent, I’ll give you that. But most?? It’s obvious they’re written as a fantasy for men because when I read them all I can think is:
This!
Yeah, it’s kind of an enormous mistake to imagine that men and women are going to dominate their Subs the same ways.
Years ago I went to a kink club that was so above board they were recognized as a city community center! It was awesome because there were all kinds of kinksters there from classes for new beginners, age-limited under-30 events, specialty meetups for some pretty esoteric kinks, and also a little coffee/cafe area where senior-citizen kinksters hung out sometimes and just yakked with each other. Oh, and they had a genuinely interesting library with both delirious porn and serious academic journals. No, I wasn’t a member and didn’t do kinky things there, but of course I had to check it out. Cool place. But anyway…
One of the coolest things I saw at one of the weekend events I went to was a Dom who’d bound her much larger, very “manly” partner naked to a real-live St. Andrews cross and was whipping the owl shit out of his back, ass, and legs.
Once she was happy she knelt down in front of him, still bound and drenched with sweat and shaking from his beating and sucked his cock.
But wait, you say, she knelt down? And sucked his cock? How, one might ask, does that sound Dominant? First of all, ahahaha, his cries, incidentally, came from even deeper inside of him than had his cries from his whipping. (I obviously can’t know for sure how she felt about it but those are exactly the kind of sounds I wait to hear when I’ve been topping you, inchworm!)
But also, how the fuck else was she going to continue tearing him apart? His dick’s down there. Her head’s up here. How else was she going to put the two together?
I really didn’t see much of what was going on – it was in a public space but over on one side of the room and I’d been hanging out yakking with some of the other non-participants.
But it wouldn’t be too surprising if, once she was done edging and tormenting him, if she unbound him and… bent over and made him fuck her from behind. Because… what… you think a woman’s anatomy’s going to change just because she’s a Dom? Rear entry feels good! That whole “rear-entry isn’t as intimate” thing goes both ways and so entering one’s partner from the rear can be just as humiliating and anonymous to a man.
You get my point though? We have this mistaken idea that the things women do just to make sex work – to line up the right parts or to get the stimulation that works for them – is intrinsically “submissive.” When really it’s just… practical!
Now. Is the way that one couple was doing things how “all real” women Doms top their partners? Ahaha, how the hell would I know?!?!? Which is sort of the point of @lady-reia’s post, wasn’t it?
While we’re at it let’s get over the genuinely limited notion that if a woman’s going to top a man he’s going to wind up “force feminized” or “sissified.” Sure, some do.
You think women Doms don’t also think big, strong, manly men are awesome partners? Ahahah, Submission ≠ “feminine.” Domination ≠ “masculine.”
As for teaching anyone, period, how to be a Dom, a Master, or even a Daddy? I can only talk about what I like to do and that might not work for anybody else.
