Reading about abusive men and the way they think. Very unsettling and an incredible book so far. Here are my very professional notes.

It’s a good book though I haven’t read all of it.

This is a key for a lot of “can’t help it” rationalizing, whether it’s them making the claim or, worse, you.

An out of control person won’t distinguish yours vs theirs. A self-indulgent one will.

A genuinely concerned person will notice the selectivity. A (self-indulgent?) codependent one may not.

Targeted damage is by definition under control. When you do notice, and you may not right away, you’ve got two choices. To get out and seek help for your sake, or to get out and seek help for theirs. Either way you’re not helping anyone by staying.