cherishedproperty:

turnabout:

spytap:

ignescent:

kiwianaroha:

azureleon:

tilthat:

TIL that a recent study out of the University of Kansas found that it takes about 50 hours of socializing to go from acquaintance to casual friend, an additional 40 hours to become a “real” friend, and a total of 200 hours to become a close friend.

via reddit.com

Socializing speedrun (Any %)

This is why it was so much easier to make friends when you were in school; you were trapped with those people all day Monday to Friday. It’s OK that it’s harder to make really good friends now that you’re an adult

Yes, this! It’s also why regular get together are so useful. If you want to make friends as an adult? Join a book club, go to a craft meet up, find an excuse to hang out w/ approximately the same people once a week for a couple of hours. As you get to know them, invite them out other places. Yes, it’s a pain to have to do the work to socialize, but if you want the friends, you have to trap yourself with the other people.

Reblogging for all my mutuals who have asked “Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?”

“if you want the friends, you have to trap yourself with the other people” sounds so sinister. 

Hmm. Wonder how this translates to dating.

This!  This is super important.  I’ll add there are two components to this, by the way.

1) Mental / intellectual / emotional / spiritual: we can do this online, can’t we?  Get to know each other intimately and well.  Get each other off.  Fall in love.  Argue and reconcile.  Support and console.  Grow cool and then grow warm again. Share of photos of family, friends, places, and naughty bits.  Skype and text and phone too!

2) Two or more physical bodies in the same place: You’d think the first time we meet face to face would be a logical, seamlessly fluid transition.  But often it’s a bit jarring.  Because all of part 1, above, happens in the parts of our brains that are above our ears.  Part two?  That’s where our reflexive fight-or-flight “lizard” brains and our impulsive and pre-conscious “monkey” brains get their first introductions.  And below our ears?  Our bodies are going “wait, we’re two large primates and we’re inside each other’s personal space, how did this happen and Why was I Not Informed?!?!?”

A lot of those 50, 100, and 200 hour bonds can form online just fine.  But some of them?  Yeah, it’s about being under the same roof.

The good news is that our bodies adjust pretty quickly to each other’s sight, weight, smell, and sounds.  And it’s not like our brains keep our bodies on a pretty good leash.  But if you understand that part #2 really is a thing, and give each other a little space for ordinary socializing and greeting, you’ll find the rest of your date, weekend, or lifetime together will go quite a bit more smoothly.

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