Hiya! I’ve got a tough issue lately. I used to be someone who was extremely sexual and aroused quite often. I actually played with myself quite a bit, if not every day. Suddenly I’ve lost all of that desire. It only comes occasionally, and it makes me feel awful for my boyfriend. Any tips or knowledge on this? I have lewd thoughts but my body just isn’t as easily aroused or sensitive as it was. I’m still young too! And female.
Yikes! There are a million answers and Iâm not really qualified to explain any of them! But I can offer a couple of things to check for yourself:
- Have you gone on or off hormonal birth control?
- Have you gone on or off any medications, particularly antidepressants?
- Are there other symptoms youâve noticed such as weight gain or appetite loss, started or stopped exercising, or, especially, are you getting more sleep or less sleep?
- Have you had any big social changes â more socializing or less? Is the upcoming election and/or political rhetoric and its associated goddamn daily mass shootings getting to you? (Because tbh itâs playing hell with my libido!)Â
- Howâs your work/school load? Any additional stress?
- Howâs your relationship with your boyfriend otherwise? Relationship with your family? (Homesickness? Issues with family members that maybe need resolution?)
- How sudden is âsuddenâ when you say âSuddenly Iâve lostâŠâ?
- Has your boyfriend gone through any of these changes lately? (well, except for hormonal contraception.)
The very good news is youâve noticed! Very often we donât notice libido changes till someone points them out to us, because sort of by-definition our own sense of our libido tends to feel ânormal as usual, though now that you mention it.â If that makes sense.
Change happens all the time, so this could just be one of those âshit happensâ things, and if so it could change back by itself. Sooner or possibly later. On the other hand if the change really is sudden there could be issues that need to be addressed. Social, relationship, or, especially, medical or mental health changes. Â
Good people to talk to (who arenât me since, as I mentioned, Iâm unqualified.)
Campus health center if youâre in college
Healthcare-provider on-call nurse if youâve got healthcare
Your boyfriend! Whoâs also not even a little bit qualified, by the way, but heâs your partner! Donât ask him to solve the problem for you (see qualifications, above) but acknowledgment isnât just a good idea it can sometimes break a libido logjam!  For instance he might say âwell, you seemed to cool off afterâŠâ which may or may not have anything to do with it. But it might help jog your memory too. Point being that you wonât know till you start talking.
Final point about communication: it sounds funny considering how reluctant people have been talking about wanting sex, but turns out weâre just as uncomfortable talking about not wanting it. Youâre already not pretending âeverythingâs fine.â Thatâs a very good place to start from, both with your boyfriend and people who might be able to actually help.
Good luck!