I’m wondering what you think about Ddlg play in this circumstance… The little craves a Daddy to love and care for her and of course to have all kinds of naughty and nice fun with. But she also craves very dark things from a Daddy… Yet this all consuming desire matches a deeep panic too (both are defining her right now). So… Do you think it’s healthy to follow thru if these things involve childhood trauma, or do you think it could cause more damage?

I can give real dad advice, and I can give D/Lg-kink advice, but I can’t give real psychology or trauma-therapy advice.  But I can give caring-person advice and say…

Are you happy and unconflicted about your kink?  Then cool!  Does it make you unhappy instead?  Conflicted every time you “indulge” your kink?  Feel like if you could just go “far enough” or get “close enough” you could finally have a “breakthrough?”  Then… yeah, read on, ok?

If someone has childhood trauma it’s a very good idea for them to seek professional counseling for their childhood trauma.  If it’s related to untreated trauma then their kink is a consequence.  Modifying or “curing” the kink won’t help resolve the underlying injury.

Let’s think about a neutral example: let’s say someone has a bad fall as a child and as a result they take up tightrope walking.  Pretty neutral, right?  But it would be silly to say “their tightrope walking is the result of early trauma, so let’s get them to stop tightrope walking.”  And downright dumb to say “If we could get them to stop tighrope walking they’d be a lot healthier.”  

Kinks often (though not always) arise from an incident or pattern from childhood, even if the childhood events themselves weren’t of a sexualized nature.  I mean, there’s a reason we call them “kinks” instead of, I dunno, “same old, same old.”

So I’m always a fan of spending time with psychologists, for the same reason I’m a fan of spending time with a personal trainer: they see things you won’t, and they’re trained to offer suggestions and exercises that reduce effort and exhaustion in the rest of your life.

That said!

D/Lg, like most other power-exchange kinks, often have a “dark” side where elements of fear, punishment, transgression of “good girl” boundaries, etc., produce erotic rather than outraged reactions.

That’s ok!  Really!  When done “right” it’s the sex version of scary or three-hankie movies.  Those can all be pretty cathartic for a lot of people who’ve never had a moment of trauma in their life!

But!

If it doesn’t make you happy?  Or if doing it keeps bringing unpleasant things up or, alternatively, if doing your kink is the only thing that keeps unpleasant things from coming up?  There are a lot of good therapists and counselors who can help.

Remember: whether it’s plain or kinky, sex is supposed to be fun.  It’s supposed to leave you feeling satisfied and not just relieved.  It’s supposed to feel good!  You want to feel happy you did it and look forward to doing it again.  

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