Posts Tagged ‘abuse’
Yall rlly need to stop sexualizing the kids. And not just the girls. I see you nasty fuckers drawing the boys all sweaty and shirtless. Fuck off they’re 15
Yall won’t reblog this but go and reblog posts sayin the same about the girls and turn right around to reblog some more pics of 15 year old boys in sexual positions cause yall need something to jack off to I fucking see you
reblog this version cowards.
K but is this about real people or is it about cartoons
both kids aren’t and never will be sexy you freak
Yeah, even cartoons. It shouldn’t take a D/Lg Daddy to say it but yeah. That goes for all that Harry Potter slash and fanfic too. Let children grow up. Once you’re alladults you can have a whole lifetime to play D/Lg and Cg/L and ageplay games. But by then it’ll be just that: adults playing games.
But leave actual kids out of it. All of it. Even imaginary ones. If someone’s not an adult it’s not kink, it’s abuse.
Assumptions, presumptions, and agency…
Omg you’ve been horribly abused in some of your pictures. Especially the one where your behind is a bloody mess. You deserve so much more. I understand this is a fetish, but wow, that broke my heart to see someone hurt another so badly. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for you not just during it, but for days or even weeks later. Hope you realize how beautiful you are and that you deserve so much better than these type of sex fetishes.💕
I’m going to list 3 types of people:
- Vanilla people who just see abuse
- 50 shades groupies who see a bit of spanking as fun, but anything more is abuse
- Masochists
Now I’m unsure if you are the first or the second example. The fact you’ve stumbled across my blog makes me think you’re the second, but who knows.
I am the third. I am a masochist, and I am a submissive.
Do I need to explain what a masochist is? I enjoy pain. I ADORE bruises. That photo you are referring to was done for fun, MY fun, as well as theirs. It wasn’t even that painful if I’m honest, and I loved it. I look back on those pics and smile.
Despite you calling me beautiful, what you have done is make me feel like shit, you come to my blog and decide that you’re going to try and tell me I deserve better- yes, I deserve far better than being told to feel ashamed of myself and who I am. YOU have shamed me.
I hate separating my 2 partners but I’m going to.
You see a few pics of my beaten butt and you scream abuse and think I need saving. Did you see when I was in hospital, dozens of times because of my chronic condition, did you see me coming out of surgery and Daddy holding the straw to my mouth to get me drinking? Or lifting tiny morsels of food to my lips to get me eating? Do you see him coming home from a full days work and starting on dinner because I can’t move? Do you see any of that?
Or how about Mister, we don’t live together but he’d do all that too. In fact when I have bad days, do you see him spend 5 hours on FaceTime with me whilst he’s working, just so he can keep me company? Do you see him, every single day, checking I’ve eaten and taken my meds?
You tell me I’m beautiful, after shaming who I am and making me feel crap about myself, whereas he has had me saying mantras into the mirror for the last few days, until I start believing that I really am beautiful, until I start believing him.
When I’ve had a bad day and told Mister I wish he could sing to me, do you know what he did? He recording him singing, have you seen 3 men and a baby? You know where they sing “Goodnight sweetheart”? That. He sung that to me just before bedtime to help calm my head.
You’re right, I am worth more than a bloody butt- I’m worth all that they give me. I’m worth all their love.
This is who I am. This is what I want. Please don’t go around telling people they are being abused when they are very clearly happy and love what they do.
I love these men so much, and they love me. We are so much more than the few pics we decide to share- can you imagine how much love and trust there is to do what we do?
Everything is consensual, I have limits which have always been respected, I have a safe word, which again will always be respected. On top of that, any of us, at any point, can say actually I don’t want any kink right now, and it will stop- the kink will stop, but the relationships will continue, because guess what?
We are more than “just” the kink you see, and although we’d miss it, we love each other and that is stronger. So if I wanted to take a break from kink, I know that my partners would respect that and still be right beside me.
There’s a huge difference between saying
- You are being abused
- Are you being abused
It’s important to inquire because sometimes hells yeah they’re being abused.! Only one of those sentences respects and acknowledges the other person’s agency. Even an actual victim’s agency, which, incidentally makes it even more important to give them their agency!
Important clue: if you walk up to an abused person and say “you’re abused” you want to guess what they’re going to say somewhere between nine times out of ten and 99 times out of 100? “I’m fine!”
Adults in abuse are rarely given choices by their abusers. Their agency is taken away from them. That’s why you taking away their agency by making declarations on their “behalf” isn’t just rude but unworkable.
So let’s not do that. If you believe someone’s being abused that’s a serious, red-letter situation. For goodness sake don’t just assume they’re cheerful masochists either! But regardless please have enough courtesy respect for them that you ask and listen and don’t just tell.
Big, big hat’s off to @littlemissbratty for clarifying the difference between Submission and Masochism. First because they’re not the same thing – LMB is very clear that they’re both, not one or the other. But second because in the hierarchy of these things those fucking Shades of Grey “D/S” relationships are far more likely to be abusive than simple S&M ones.
A pure Sadist wants to hurt someone but not control them. A pure Masochist gets off on pain but may have exactly zero tolerance for being controlled. (In fact I’ve met scary-dominant Masochists and deeply submissive Sadists.) Of course in reality there are very few “pure” kinksters. BDSM isn’t just an alphabet or even a spectrum, it’s a gloriously messy artist’s palette of possibilities.
On the origin of power in relationships
I don’t usually quote the late social-theorist Hannah Arendt from the pages of the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy on kink blogs, but when I do it’s highly relevant to the real nature of authority and consent in power-exchange dynamics:
“This capacity to act in concert for a […] purpose is what Arendt calls power. Power needs to be distinguished from strength, force, and violence (CR, 143–55). Unlike strength, it is not the property of an individual, but of a plurality of actors joining together for some common […] purpose. Unlike force, it is not a natural phenomenon but a human creation, the outcome of collective engagement. And unlike violence, it is based not on coercion but on consent and rational persuasion.”
– Hannah Arendt, 4.4 Action, Power, and the Space of Appearance
No matter how Domly or Daddy-ish you are or how Submissive or Little, never forget that the power-exchange kinks under the broad BDSM umbrella ultimately depend on the non-violent, non-coerced, actions taken by all participants.
If you don’t understand this then what you’re doing could be abuse, or it could be codependence, or it could be a miserable mistake, but it’s not kink.
I’m wondering what you think about Ddlg play in this circumstance… The little craves a Daddy to love and care for her and of course to have all kinds of naughty and nice fun with. But she also craves very dark things from a Daddy… Yet this all consuming desire matches a deeep panic too (both are defining her right now). So… Do you think it’s healthy to follow thru if these things involve childhood trauma, or do you think it could cause more damage?
I can give real dad advice, and I can give D/Lg-kink advice, but I can’t give real psychology or trauma-therapy advice. But I can give caring-person advice and say…
Are you happy and unconflicted about your kink? Then cool! Does it make you unhappy instead? Conflicted every time you “indulge” your kink? Feel like if you could just go “far enough” or get “close enough” you could finally have a “breakthrough?” Then… yeah, read on, ok?
If someone has childhood trauma it’s a very good idea for them to seek professional counseling for their childhood trauma. If it’s related to untreated trauma then their kink is a consequence. Modifying or “curing” the kink won’t help resolve the underlying injury.
Let’s think about a neutral example: let’s say someone has a bad fall as a child and as a result they take up tightrope walking. Pretty neutral, right? But it would be silly to say “their tightrope walking is the result of early trauma, so let’s get them to stop tightrope walking.” And downright dumb to say “If we could get them to stop tighrope walking they’d be a lot healthier.”
Kinks often (though not always) arise from an incident or pattern from childhood, even if the childhood events themselves weren’t of a sexualized nature. I mean, there’s a reason we call them “kinks” instead of, I dunno, “same old, same old.”
So I’m always a fan of spending time with psychologists, for the same reason I’m a fan of spending time with a personal trainer: they see things you won’t, and they’re trained to offer suggestions and exercises that reduce effort and exhaustion in the rest of your life.
That said!
D/Lg, like most other power-exchange kinks, often have a “dark” side where elements of fear, punishment, transgression of “good girl” boundaries, etc., produce erotic rather than outraged reactions.
That’s ok! Really! When done “right” it’s the sex version of scary or three-hankie movies. Those can all be pretty cathartic for a lot of people who’ve never had a moment of trauma in their life!
But!
If it doesn’t make you happy? Or if doing it keeps bringing unpleasant things up or, alternatively, if doing your kink is the only thing that keeps unpleasant things from coming up? There are a lot of good therapists and counselors who can help.
Remember: whether it’s plain or kinky, sex is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to leave you feeling satisfied and not just relieved. It’s supposed to feel good! You want to feel happy you did it and look forward to doing it again.
Simulating sexual assault isn’t a kink, y’all are just (((would be rapists)))
Read the article and educate yourself, pumpkin.
Just going to turn this around a bit.
What do aggressively physical sex, spanking, and the insult “suck my dick,” and, arguably, ass fucking all have in common? They’re all effective avenues of criminal assault, abuse of power, and punishment because they’re all enjoyable and frequently desired receptive sex acts when done with consent.
In other words, in the anon’s case, abusers engage in sexual assault because it causes the most humiliation and confusion for the victim, and therefore the most loss of power. Which, as activists going back at least as far as Susan Brownmiller, is always the perpetrator’s primary objective: not their own sexual gratification but the mortification of their victim.
Spanking is maybe the best example. Percussive blows to the buttocks or tail region is sexually arousing or gratifying for a surprising variety of mammals, including humans. Therefore the real perversion is using spanking as a form of punishment. Particularly for small children and minors.
Update: I’m dead serious about this. Spanking children is gross. Spanking anybody without their impassioned consent is gross. It’s real assault and needs to be shamed, denounced, and made a criminal offense.
Just a reminder that subjects of assault and abuse who go unsupported and untreated are far more likely to repeat the cycle. Worse, they’re even more likely to deny or excuse abuse by others. Disregarding or denying boys and men who were preyed upon just because they don’t fit social stereotypes contributes to the problem.
you always have such a nice way of saying things and i feel so ilost right now… a former absuser of mine wished me a happy bday and we haven’t spoken in years, i thought i’d blocked him off all social media but he found the 1 i forgot because i never use it. i know it takes time to heal but is it normal that even something as small as that took me right back to that place? i didn’t respond, i might delete the account, but i feel so weak for feeling so affected by this P.S. i love your blog !
Let’s get this one out of the way first: I want to acknowledge that you feel weak for being so affected. That sounds like an entirely normal, natural reaction to an emotional shock.
Maybe he’s gotten conscious of what he really did to you and feels like shit about it (a positive side effect of #metoo) or maybe he’s anxious that you’re going to out his to his friends, employers, and loved ones and feels terrified by it (another positive #metoo side effect) or he could just still be a dickish asshole who imagines you’ve still got “something going on.” Or, worst of all, he’d like some kind of “closure.” Who knows what might have motivated him!
Doesn’t matter though – any obligation you had to him ended a minimum of three days before he first crossed the line with you.
This is not advice, or a recommendation, because your life is complicated enough. Instead this is a thought experiment about interpersonal vs community power dynamics: Ask yourself how a one-sentence message from you to his community of friends, family, employer, clients, and social-media mutuals would affect his life vs. the effect any private message he could send you.
Not saying you should do anything, because I’m sooo not the right person to help you make that decision and I’m completely oblivious to your situation, your history, your community, or all the rest of your feelings. Instead it’s just a possible way to look at yourself now. You may or may not wish to send that message, but compared to years ago you’re no longer alone and you’re no longer powerless.
If I was going to offer advice it would be to ignore his message, block him, and see if you can find someone who can give you professional counseling to help you resolve your feelings, help you find ways to take action.
You might also want to take a look at the awesome, awesome Jennifer Peepas’ blog, CaptainAwkward.com. She doesn’t just give advice, and incredible support, she gives wonderful, simple, rehersable scripts for dealing with all sorts of social and personal situations. Including dealing with abusers and people who think you should be nice, reconsider, see things from their perspective, and who otherwise create the shitty context that leaves you feeling powerless when you don’t want to deal with this one shitty individual.
Long story short: you’re normal, not weak, for having a strong reaction; talk to a pro; check out CaptainAwkward; consider that you have at least as much power to up-end his life as he had to up-end yours.
Hope that helps at least a little bit.