Question to all followers:
What do you count as Aftercare? Is it something that is tailored to all individually? Do you have a specific routine that you and your partner follow after any play session? What is Aftercare for you?
Typically, Sir gets me water and anything else I need that may be scene related like a towel or an ice pack if impact play has been particularly enthusiastic. I’m helped out of any kind of binding clothes; like a corset, so I’m comfy. We’ve agreed that I am to receive LOTS of cuddles. I am not to be left alone until I am ok to make that judgment and am mentally more coherent. After the initial parts of aftercare, there is usually talk about what happened and what worked/didn’t etc. If I need food Sir will bring me a snack and maybe make some tea as well. If we’re up for it there’s movie or tv watching with cuddles.
I have two equally useful, important, and simultaneous non-sexual models for aftercare. They’re very different models but it works best to use them both at the same time.
1) How would you treat a friend you’ve coached through completed a challenging amateur athletic event? A 5k run, maybe, or a karate or judo class tournament? A soccer or lacrosse or crew match. Or anything, really, where they challenged not just their bodies but their minds and hearts? If your answer is “the second they cross the finish line I’m checking my email or heading down the pub” you’re… not only not much of a coach, you’re not a friend either.
Worse, they’ll never want you to coach them again, will they? Could you even possibly blame them?
2) If you were (non-artificial) vanilla how would you treat a lover who’d pulled out all the romantic stops for you on your anniversary or birthday – made your favorite meal, served your favorite drinks, led you into a bedroom with freshly made sheets, and absolutely rocked your world? If your answer is “the second I get my jollies I’m gonna go start the dishwasher and ask if now’s a good time to go over our receipts” then you’re not just a boring, ungrateful, unimaginative drudge, you’re not much of a lover either.
Worse, they’ll never want to do shit for you ever again, will they?
So what do you count as aftercare with a partner? And could you even possibly blame them?
Ok. So. There’s exactly zero, nothing at all, that permits a Dom, a Daddy, or any other kind of top to be less responsible or attentive than a coach or a vanilla lover, whether or not you’ve gotten your rocks off.
Here’s a final clue: “aftercare,” like “foreplay,” is a made-up bullshit word to help people who need a little crutch to understand that “sex” is more than “my dick in a hole till I come.” Foreplay isn’t “before sex,” it’s sex. “Aftercare” isn’t after a BDSM scene, it’s the rest of the scene!
You’re the top… the coach… the recipient of a huge amount of trust and vulnerability from your lover and partner. You helped them get started and over, and through. You saw and helped them every step of the way. And if you’re responsible and attentive you probably have a pretty good idea what your partner needs, wants, appreciates, and enjoys while they’re cooling down and chilling out and maybe rehydrating and stretching and icing too. Give them the affection, attention, acknowledgment, appreciation, and maybe aspirin they need to… want to do it, and do it with you, next time.
