The anon here about the dom master who said he could break me.. no this is my actual partner who tells me this. Constantly talks about my mental issues and how I’m mentally ill throws it in my face near to every day. I do have a therapist and I told him to refer his concerns to her I would not be offended. I admit my issues but I can’t handle someone telling me I’m mentally ill every single day how is that supportive. We been together a long time also. Seems fucked up and not supportive.

Thanks for following up.  Yeah, that’s 100% not even a little bit supportive.  It’s kind of full of shit.

Pro tip: if you’re not someone’s therapist, and if they haven’t asked you specifically for input, then the only legitimate statement that can be volunteered is “is there anything I can do to support you.”

Also, throwing anything in your face isn’t “domly.”

Just going to go back to the vanilla-relationship point: if you wouldn’t put up with this from a vanilla partner you sure as hell don’t have to put up with it from a top.  Or bottom or any kind of partner in kink.

Because kink happens on top of basic vanilla relationship civility.  We do it because it adds to our enjoyment and enhances our relationships with each other.

Unless he’s got a bill of sale he’s not your real “master,” and unless he’s you’re parole officer he has no authority to dominate you, “for your own good” or otherwise.  

He’s declined to speak with your therapist.  There’s a handful of very good reasons why he probably hasn’t, none of them very flattering to him.  I’m sure you’ve spoken with your therapist about his wranking on you about this.  She may be able to offer you some good scripting for managing it.  But one way or another he’s being the opposite of a good Dom.

Look.  I’m sure he actually loves you a lot, if you’ve been together for years.  And I’m sure he could even be trying to express sincere concern for you with zero skills in that domain.  But recalling the definition of insanity as repeatedly doing a thing and expecting different results, it might be more fair to say you may not be the one who needs to talk to someone.  

But no matter how he feels about you, what he’s doing isn’t helping.  It’s the opposite of helping.  Do what you need to do to be safe in your relationship but pull the red handle – I’m going to be generous and say he probably knows what he’s doing isn’t working, but he’s got to understand that it’s not working too.

Best of luck, ok?  I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this.

0