Awesome answer! Just wonderful. Because, yeah, contrary to the bushwa you see on “BDSM” porn sites like Kink.com or similar XXXTremeMeatGrinder and HottieRunOverByHisCar sites, much of the time the things D/S, D/Lg, M/S, etc., people do together are perfectly vanilla. Even blood-play kinks often involve the top in their bathrobe helping the bottom in their sweatpants put peroxide and Bactine on their welts the next couple of days. That’s just how human beings are in relationships. And maybe 95% of real kink relationships are long-term domestic relationships.
I think one thing for people who have never been down the full path of D/s (i.e. collaring, ownership, journaling, tasking, structure, guidance, and of course D/s play or BDSM) —I think people who have not done that may assume that these two types of relationships are drastically different.
In some ways they are but in many ways, they are not — you still struggle and disagree and have passion and lust and love. But for those who D/s feels right, I find those things mentioned above escalate the experience and feelings, at least for me.
So did I miss vanilla when I had D/s? No – it was always there all along. What is vanilla but just a D/s relationship without D/s for a while. So some days it’s just talking about work and life, and that’s pretty vanilla. Then there are some days when it’s a lot of D/s and what I found is on those days, we were always the closest.
Whether it be play or tasks or guidance, it just brings you together more.
Hope that answers your question.
-TRD
[The] full path of D/s (i.e. collaring, ownership, journaling, tasking, structure, guidance…
See, that right there is why I say I’m a Daddy and not a Dom. Collars are fun for pet play, and for light bondage. But that whole capital-C Collaring thing (like getting married) or journaling? And anything with a name like “tasking?” Just… yeah, I could go through the motions with a Sub but my heart was never in it. so I thought I was just a really shitty Dom. Turns out I’m a pretty good non-Dom Daddy though.
