He would still be with you if you were better

princesskrissylou:

Do you think I’m going to disagree with you? I’m not. I think about that a lot. If only I was prettier, skinnier, cuter, needier….those thoughts go through my head on a daily basis. What’s your point?

Gonna push back hard at that anon.  Because chances are no he wouldn’t.  “Better” is pretty much never the reason someone breaks up with their partner.

In fact, most people who leave their partner for someone else end up with someone pretty much just like their first partner.

It’s not because they give better blowjobs, or have a bigger dick, or make more money, or they’re younger or older.

Mostly they’re just not the person they’ve been involved with.  And mostly who we’re involved with is a “problem” only because we’ve piled enough of our other needs and necessity on them (dinner companion, healthcare aid, emotional support, financial partner, shared social obligations, parenting partner, shared entertainment and socializing, pet and house and car and garden care, etc.) that it’s hard to be spontaneous, vulnerable, or erotically intimate.  As relationship therapist Esther Perel says, when you stack up everything that contemporary couples have to rely on each other for the risk of knocking things over and the time and effort needed to make even small rearrangements becomes too high.

The consequence is often that separation is “easier” than starting over together.

This isn’t healthy, and it’s the cause of huge heartache.  But it’s a consequence of “happily ever after” thinking.  It’s a byproduct of believing a perfect relationship is 50/50 when really you both have to give 100%.  It’s a result of imagining a relationship or marriage is a noun and not a verb. 

It’s also why the best advice I’ve heard about breakups is “honor the person you met, not the one you separated from.”  Because unless or until you’re eaten alive by bitterness, chances are you’re both still pretty good people… who didn’t or no longer work out.

So, yeah, not to be harsh but @princesskrissylou’s anon is a soulless asshole who also happens to be full of shit.  Didn’t work out ≠ isn’t “better.”  Fuck cruel bullshit.  

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