One doesn’t often see links to academic linguists ang grammarians in the context of kink blogs. But trolls have been perennial problems since literally the earliest days of networked compiliters. A surprising number of people managed to get banned from my college computer lab where no
More than fifteen users (plus one sysadmin) could be logged in at the same time… where all 16 workstations were in the same room!
So they’re an issue. The post has a list of proposed characteristics of trolling personalities. Since this is a sex and kink blog and most of my readers are similarly inclined let me propose an additional definition that might help you understand why it’s actively counterproductive to engage them.
13: They get sexual gratification from their victims anguished, reasoned, outraged, or persistent reactions.
Engaging in any way with a troll is the equivalent of sending nudes to demanding assholes. It’s like giving blowjobs in response to dick pics. It’s like sexting with spammers.
They jack off to your anguish and annoyance. They share their best text streams with other trolls the way pedophiles, necrophiliacs, stalkers, and “pickup artists” do.
The common line since at least the late 1970’s has always been “don’t feed the trolls.” Let’s take it a step further and say “don’t give the trolls handjobs.”
Responding doesn’t just make them happy, it literally makes them come.
Just calmly (cock) block them or report them to @staff. You’ll be doing everyone (but trolls) a favor.
Nothing personal, and it might seem funny for an older, experienced gentleman whose kinks are D/Lg and age play, but…
Go play with someone your own age.
Seriously!
You have no idea how much benefit you get from negotiating boundaries with your peers, of exploring your feelings and (when you’re ready) your bodies together with your peers.
Kink relationships, even fleeting ones, even hookups, are still relationships! And even when your bodies feel more than ready to try things on the big hill your negotiation, boundary, cooperation, and other relationship skills take between five to eight years to develop after puberty. Trying to short circuit developing those skills with people who’ve already developed theirs (or imagine they have) leaves you with a lifetime of catching up.
In other words, adults and minors should not interact because it’s the law, or because of morality, or “what will your friends and family say” but because in practice it causes workability problems for connection, relationships, and adult sexuality.
The years from 14-18 might seem like forever when you’re a minor. But to any adult they’re a drop in the bucket. An adult who’s unwilling to give you room to develop and grow isn’t “experienced and wiser” because someone actually experienced and wiser wouldn’t put your lifelong sexual, emotional, and relational happiness at risk for a little bit of slap and tickle.
With all my heart, go find someone your own age.
If you’re really still interested we’ll all still be here. And if you’re really still interested you’ll be worth the wait.
But for now go find someone your own age.
And same, duh, for goddamn grownups, m’kay? You want to be a “minor supporter” then support goddamn minors and let them grow up on their own!
Do you think I’m going to disagree with you? I’m not. I think about that a lot. If only I was prettier, skinnier, cuter, needier….those thoughts go through my head on a daily basis. What’s your point?
Gonna push back hard at that anon. Because chances are no he wouldn’t. “Better” is pretty much never the reason someone breaks up with their partner.
In fact, most people who leave their partner for someone else end up with someone pretty much just like their first partner.
It’s not because they give better blowjobs, or have a bigger dick, or make more money, or they’re younger or older.
Mostly they’re just not the person they’ve been involved with. And mostly who we’re involved with is a “problem” only because we’ve piled enough of our other needs and necessity on them (dinner companion, healthcare aid, emotional support, financial partner, shared social obligations, parenting partner, shared entertainment and socializing, pet and house and car and garden care, etc.) that it’s hard to be spontaneous, vulnerable, or erotically intimate. As relationship therapist Esther Perel says, when you stack up everything that contemporary couples have to rely on each other for the risk of knocking things over and the time and effort needed to make even small rearrangements becomes too high.
The consequence is often that separation is “easier” than starting over together.
This isn’t healthy, and it’s the cause of huge heartache. But it’s a consequence of “happily ever after” thinking. It’s a byproduct of believing a perfect relationship is 50/50 when really you both have to give 100%. It’s a result of imagining a relationship or marriage is a noun and not a verb.
It’s also why the best advice I’ve heard about breakups is “honor the person you met, not the one you separated from.” Because unless or until you’re eaten alive by bitterness, chances are you’re both still pretty good people… who didn’t or no longer work out.
So, yeah, not to be harsh but @princesskrissylou’s anon is a soulless asshole who also happens to be full of shit. Didn’t work out ≠ isn’t “better.” Fuck cruel bullshit.
Ahahahahah!!! OMFG!!! The question basically answers itself, doesn’t it?
Weird personal history. I had this totally vanilla, totally matter-if-fact partner who was a sweet and steamy and attentive lover… until she had an orgasm, at which point she’d be like “that’s out of the way, let’s go fold the laundry.” Exactly “one and done” times nine. But basically every horny hormone in her body disappeared.
One day we’d been making out, slow-seducing each other. I said I gotta pee I’ll be right back. Maybe 20 seconds later she strolls in, fully dressed, and starts brushing her teeth. WTF says I. Oh, I rubbed one out while you were gone says she. Turned my back for 20 seconds and that’s it for the day! Like I said, very matter of fact.
Anyway, I’m gonna say there are actually three possibilities
By Thomas Oldenough | May 13, 2019 | Comments Off on That was pretty hostile!
Well that was pretty hostile! Anyone else in the D/Lg / Cg/L community been getting harassing messages from this @barn-burner character?
I’m sure it would be embarrassing to answer questions from the Justice Department but all things considered, including maybe 15-20% of my posts here, it’s unlikely they’d do more than that.
Tbh if they really had my contact info they could have called the local police they get pretty aggressive about child abuse and rightly so.
But really, D/Lg is a kink that consenting adults get into. You kind of have to be adults or it’s not a kink it’s, you know, criminal.
But just like people who play with handcuffs don’t really want to do kidnapping for real, and just like people who dress up in leather pants and French Maid outfits don’t really want to be pirates, D/Lg kinksters don’t want to be underaged and sure as hell don’t want to be related. Because eww.
But this sort of thing goes both ways. Pretty sure it’s a federal crime to threaten or stalk people online. And it certainly violates even Tumblr @staff policy as terms of service. So I’m gonna report then.
If they’ve harassed you you should report them too. Well unless you really do engage in child abuse or incest, in which case I’d report you myself.
Incels and other sexist men can’t see a woman doing something incredible without fuming and trying to discredit her. They’re now dissing on Katie Bouman, who helped write one of the algorithms that got us the black hole picture, saying she was just an assistant (they don’t know what assistant professor is), and using Andrew Chael, her colleague in the Event Horizon Telescope team who helped write one of the codes, as ~the true person behind the codes who is being erased by this anti-men society~ or whatever. They’re even saying crap like “lmao women really don’t do shit”. Andrew took to Twitter himself to call bullshit on that.
If y’all can spread this thread to counter such narrative it’d be great.
I’ve been writing a lot about false ideas have about attractiveness and not being attractive. So this would be an excellent time to point out that “incel” is short for “involuntary celibacy,” a term used almost exclusively by darkly misogynist men who confuse being unwant-able with being undesirable, and being offensive with being unlovable.
Almost to a man they buy into that Cee Lo Green lyric “If I was richer I’d still be with ya” bullshit and so they’re not just outraged by women’s economic or technical success they’re goddamned panicked about it.
Because, incapable of understanding that heterosexual women like men and that women enjoy sex instead of just putting up with it to “pay the rent,” they despair of being able to “compete.”
When I talk about people getting only one “vote” about their attractiveness… or more specifically about their unattractiveness I’m talking about these guys too. They imagine “no woman would have me.” And in so believing it they actively and affirmatively make themselves fucking repellent! Unapproachable ≠ unattractive, kids.
Not to break character or anything but what the hell kind of question is that anyway?!?!?
Being a kinkster doesn’t immunize you from the short and long-term repercussions of violent criminal assault. Not even for kinksters who are into consensual non-consent.
If you’re not an experienced counselor with specific, extensive, supervised training who’s been specifically been given permission by the person who wants that help that’s just a fucked up question to ask.
Ahah ah! I’d have reblogged this in a heartbeat anyway. But that the stupid fuckers and their racist-loving, nipple-fearing algorithms flagged it for content? Omg, that makes reblogging it mandatory.
“In the end, all these two asswipes accomplished was showing the world that they are basically the Westboro Baptist Church of… well, I don’t even want to call them feminists, frankly.”
Sounds about right.
It’s not that there’s no such thing as TERFs. It’s that they’re so far out in right field actual feminists think they’re all assholes. Which they are.
Meanwhile, oh how convenient, the Manchester police have opened a hate crime investigation agains the human rights group the fucking TERFs disrupted. The reason? Well, you see, they’re saying the term “TREF” is a slur!
This as opposed to shrieking that trans men are lesbians and threatening trans women as rapists and voyeurs. Which somehow the Manchester police aren’t investigating. As I say, how convenient.
Just remember, gang. As analyst Lindsay Bayerstein put it years ago, there’s so much diversity in feminism that it’s hard to say someone else is or isn’t a feminist, but it’s really easy to say they’re a shitty feminist. Sounds about right to me.
They might not like being called TERFs? Fine. They’re dicks.
There is nothing about your dick that will cause a girl to be interested in you, but there might be things about you that will get her interested in your dick.
This is why dick pics don’t work as an introduction.
I’ll just add that in 2019 it’s also why “headless” breast, vulva, and ass pics don’t really work either!
Nothing wrong with any of them once you know the whole person. Because much as I might like seeing breasts when I’m intentionally scrolling through an intentional porn site, when something pornographic shows up unannounced in my inbox or PM box it’s… just… not a great way to start a conversation.
I think the idea is “ok, let’s get this out of the way.” Like we’re afraid our partner isn’t going to like our dick or something. When really, 99 times out of 100 women, especially, don’t give a flying fuck about dick particulars. Not the way (cough) men care about their dicks or and compare them to other men’s dicks. It’s just not a thing for women. They’re not going to accept or reject you over your dick, ok?
And while we’re at it, 99 times out of 100 men aren’t really going to accept or reject you over your boobs or labia.
It’s not that nobody cares at all. It’s if they’re going to be in a relationship with you then who you are is a way bigger concern than what your bits and pieces look like.
