Hi! So I’m 19 (and a Virgin). I have an older friend who is married. And I just learned that she and her husband are in an open relationship. My friend is about to go on a very long business trip… leaving her kind, attractive 46 year old husband all alone… any advice?
Interesting situation and an interesting question. I’m going to answer quickly because it sounds like your situation is coming up quickly.
Did your friend say she and her husband are in an open relationship or did her husband? Get clarification on this with your friend.
Did your friend suggest you connect with her husband or did her husband? Get clarification from this as well.
Or, I suppose, are you planning to connect with him on your own? If so (not to repeat myself) let your friend know and possibly ask if she’ll provide an “introduction” for you and/or permission for you to connect with her husband while she’s away.
You don’t have to say “hey, I’m thinking of connecting with your husband while you’re gone.” It’s ok to be more general and open-ended. But you do want to give her and/or them an opportunity to be transparent with each other – there are different rules for different open relationships. Some are don’t ask / don’t tell while others are “I want allll the steamy details.” That’s for them to work out but you need to make sure you’re not stepping into something that will blow up when she returns.
If the answer to any of these questions about their open relationship and your relationship with them isn’t clear then my advice is “don’t go there.”
You’ll notice I’ve said nothing about your relative ages or sexual experience levels. There are plenty of other questions and/or advice I could offer about that, and I’ll be happy to if you want to send a second ask. But those are almost irrelevant in the face of the bigger question of what’s their dynamic and how are you going to fit in it so that you don’t end up falling between them… and possibly falling out with your friend, her husband, or both.
Thank you for asking. And best of luck getting clarity on those first important questions.
