I’m relatively young (23) woman and have been interested in dom/sub stuff since blindly coming across rough sex in porn and finding something alluring about it. In my adult life I have had experience with a couple Doms, and I just wasn’t satisfied by them. I didn’t want commands or advanced masochism or feeling like I was just one in a collection. Likewise, Little Space and anything else related to a sexual relationship with women who acted like children was very unnerving to me. And then (1/2)
“(2/2) And then I came across your blog. Paraphrasing your eloquent response to the ask before, I didn’t know that people like you actually existed: dominant daddy that’s not a Dom, wanting someone like me; a submissive little that’s not a Sub. I didn’t know that that’s what I wanted. And it took a lot more research to figure out how that differed from the things I’d explored unsatisfactorily. Anyway. Thank you for existing. Now I just have to find someone like you in real life…“
First of all thanks for your kind words! And thanks for letting me know! Figuring out what you really want instead of trying to stuff yourself into other people’s stereotypes and labels is the first step to finding good partners.
Finding good partners these days can be a little brutal even if you’re vanilla. Any time you add a condition “must like to ski,” “must be vegetarian or vegan,” “must be a non-Dom D/Lg Daddy” you’re limiting the options even further.
On another discussion forum someone mentioned that as soon as she says anything about being Submissive, or even casually says “I like when my partner takes control” she gets flooded with guys who just want to slap her around and fuck her ass. These men are… not Doms or Sadists, are they? Nah, they’re just vanilla assholes who want to rough up their partners without taking any responsibility.
One of the problems with D/Lg, as evidenced by my recent obsessive correspondent, is that it’s pretty poorly understood. Even in the kink community the stereotype is that all D/Lg is a subset of D/S.
That’s not a completely unfair assumption – DD/Lg really can be a particular way of doing D/S! But really they overlap rather than coincide.
I honestly can’t offer any helpful advice for finding a good D/Lg Daddy. Because there aren’t a lot of us you might need to “grow your own” the way my awesome and experienced Little partner slowly introduced me to being a Daddy.
A key phrase that I might respond to in a personal ad would be something like saying that you’re an independent adult and perfectly capable of providing for yourself but you’re looking for someone who can make it feel like you’ve “come home to Daddy” when you want to unwind after a busy day kicking the world’s butt.
I really don’t know if that’s going to help. Best of luck though. Thanks again for asking.
