My dominant told me I’m a bad sub because I won’t do anal. But I just said I want to do training first cause I’ve never done it. He wants to just stick it in. “If it bleeds, it bleeds.” I’m scared.
You should be scared. And you should run, not walk, for the exit before this bastard fucks you up bad. Seriously. Run.
A Dominant who does not care about their submissive’s physical health should not be a Dominant. It is no exaggeration to say you should leave him immediately. The lack of care for you and the way he dismisses your concerns are, as they say, more red flags than a Chinese military parade.
Everyone else is covering the obvious get-the-hell-out side, and that’s the most important part of all. I’m going to cover the experience side of this, because I feel pretty strongly that a lot of what we see as callous, selfish thuggishness is often a thin layer of bluster over sheer ignorance and inexperience.
So many years ago there was an awesome blogger, an outrageously wild and smart as hell switch, who was totally fine with the receiving end of anal… but also literally obsessed with pegging. Her perfectly reasonable but immutable rule was “if anyone gets it in the ass, everyone gets it in the ass.” (This is still one of the best rules ever!)
My guess is the poor anon’s partner (let’s not call him a “dom”) has no fucking clue what it’s like to get something stuck up one’s ass. And therefore no sympathy, empathy, consideration, or concept of what it’s all really about.
And that’s why I think it’s not a good idea to call him a “Dom.” Because actual, real Doms totally get into their Sub’s experience.
Pro BDSM tip: There’s at least a non-zero possibility that he’s never done anal with anyone and he’s trying to bluster his way through his inexperience and/or incompetence.
While it’s completely and totally legitimate for an experienced Sub to shepherd their Dom through new things… and even fine if they lead their Dom-in-training to believe it’s all their idea… it’s never anybody’s responsibility to put up with their partner’s inexperienced bullshit.
