So my daddy and I were hanging out, and he was in the mood, and I wasn’t particularly. What he needed in this instance was to be pegged, which is a fairly normal part of our sex life so being a good girl, I obliged and strapped up. We started playing, and he said he was enjoying it but he wasn’t hard & nothing I tried helped. We stopped when he said he had gotten what he needed, but I felt (& still feel) such shame that I wasn’t good enough or sexy enough because he didn’t get hard. Any advice?


Prostate play is an odd thing. Sometimes it can be intensely pleasurable but not lead to an erection at all. Take him at his word that he got what he needed.

Ugh!  This is critically important for so many reasons!  But bottom line:

  • An erection doesn’t mean you want to have sex
  • Vaginal lubrication doesn’t mean you want to have sex
  • No erection doesn’t mean you don’t want to have sex
  • No lubrication doesn’t mean you don’t want to have sex

There are so many reasons why one doesn’t follow from the other.  From trauma (soooo many abusers say “you must want it, you’re hard/wet”) to age to health to your centers of stimulation to current hormone levels to…

Lots, ok?  Those things are predictive, sure.  But please don’t forget they’re not definitive. 

So much for editorializing and daddy’splaining.  Here’s some actual practical advice: some time when you’re not being sexual – including leading up to or cooling off from – ask for clarification.  Something like “John, I’ve been feeling a little uncomfortable about that time – I was happy to peg you but, maybe because I wasn’t really feeling it I was really worried you weren’t feeling it either.  At the time you said you enjoyed yourself.  But it also seems like you’re usually pretty hard and that time you weren’t.  Could you tell me how it felt that time so I’ll have a little piece of mind if it happens again?”