Would you mind expanding on, “I’m not a Daddy Dom”…”I’m just a D/Lg Daddy”?
I keep meaning to answer this! Sorry for the long delay!
My short answer is that Doms are often assumed to be Sadists or that Subs are assumed to be Masochists, even though D/S and S&M are pretty separate kinks. There can be overlaps for sure. But just as there are Subs who hate pain, and Doms who see needing to punish as failure on their part, there are Sadists who’d never consider demeaning their partners and Masochists who’d eat your face for breakfast if you tried to boss them around.
That’s not to say there aren’t Subs who like pain or Doms who, say, like bondage. But when they do it’s because their kinks overlap, not because one implies the other. BDSM is an “alphabet” not a single thing.
Similarly…
If you’ve been around the kink-o-sphere you’ve probably heard a lot of references to “Daddy Doms.” And usually the short-hand you see for that kink is “DD/lg.” And if you look up definitions you’ll usually find someone (usually a D/S Dom) say that DD/Lg is a “subset” of D/S, with the Daddy as the Dom and the Little as a Sub.
That’s fine as far as it goes. A lot of people assume any kind of BDSM involves a Dom and a Sub. And there are similarities between D/S and D/Lg.
Both usually have some elements of power exchange, often with the Little deferring to their Daddy in matters both sexual and non-sexual.
But despite a few superficial similarities, it’s more accurate to say that D/Lg sometimes overlaps D/S rather than being a “subset.”
Here are some other ways people can be into D/Lg without DD/Lg
1) You can be like me! I’m a “soft” Daddy. That means I have more of a nurturing approach than a controlling one. More into “come home to Daddy” type than a “don’t let me catch you…” This doesn’t mean I don’t like things like collars or spanking or rough play. But for me it’s play, not what it’s all about.
2) A heck of a lot of D/Lg and Cg/L folks are completely nonsexual. (There’s a whole world of sfw D/Lg and Cg/L blogs out there and they can get downright ranty about being lumped in with sexual D/Lg and DD/Lg.) Now I happen to be quite the sexual Daddy, but I 100% acknowledge and respect the boundaries of Caregivers and Littles who aren’t. (You should too of course!)
3) Sometimes a D/Lg relationship is a D/S relationship, only when you look a little closer it’s the (often bratty) Little who’s the Dom, and it’s the “long-suffering, patient” Daddy who’s the Sub! So yeah, technically that would be SD/Lg, wouldn’t it? But folks get so gender-bound a lot of folks in actual D/Lg don’t realize what’s going on. It’s just “my bratty sub” and “no, Daddy, do it like that!” (Shivers! I might not be a Daddy Dom but I’m definitely not a Daddy Sub either!)
Point being there are ways to do D/Lg without D/S, ways to do it without even being sexual, and some ways to do it where the Dom isn’t the Daddy!
That’s why it’s better to say sometimes they overlap than to say one is always a subset of the other.
Hope that helps.
