Due to being hit in the face as punishment when I was a child my face is off limits during play. I want to be able to engage in face slapping in the future. Is it possible to work past this or should I leave it alone?

Wow, that’s an excellent question. Naturally there’s no one answer, let alone one good answer.

The first question would be is this an erotic fantasy for you? If so then great, you can enjoy the fantasy all day long. Lots of things that get us off in fantasy arent that great in reality. (Ask anyone who’s fantasized about owning a sailboat!!!)

The next question is would it turn you on to actually do it? On the one hand it could be triggering as hell, in which case maybe leave it alone. (My default answer is always going to be leave it alone.). On the other hand you’ve actually experienced it do you have “muscle memory” of how it feels and what it does. Which leads to…

There are a lot of things we can do where the context makes all the difference in how we feel about it. Pressing lips together can be thrilling with a lover, yucky with great aunt Margaret, routine for a French diplomat, and horrifying when it’s your drunk brother in law. Same’s true with tough play in sex. A soccer ball in the face, a smack from an angry parent, and an erotic slap from a Dominant partner all feel the same physically, but the emotional significance can be radically different.

Unless you’re reflexively triggered. In which it’s all the same… and you should leave it alone.

Last question would be do you want this or do you feel it’s necessary to be a “good” Submissive or Masochist? Because it’s really not something a lot of real Doms or Sadists need to do. Unless it’s a specific fetish of theirs they’re going to assess your boundaries and figure out all the other things they can do instead. The point being that clear boundaries and hard limits make good BDSM. If you have a partner who can’t handle that for any reason? Leave it, and then, alone.

Finally, if you really do get reflexively triggered but you do get turned on and want to do it, consider finding a good EMDR practitioner to help move your triggers out of your “hindbrain” and into your “forebrain” where you can process it consciously. Maybe!

Which brings up a really important point: kink is not a great way to avoid processing genuine trauma. Doms aren’t trained trauma therapists, and even if they were it would violate professional ethics to perform it on their romantic or sexual partners. It’s also not ethical to use a Dom to work through something. Cause it’s… well… using them!

All that said, my main answer is going to be if you can comfortably leave it alone it’s probably best to leave it alone. If not then be crystal clear in your communication, set very clear boundaries, and maybe talk to someone professionally because… dang it all, somebody slapped you around when you were a little kid! Nobody should have to keep living with that without a little support.

Thank you so much for asking. Best of luck whatever you choose, ok?

0