Extra steps – an in-depth introspection on being a D/Lg Daddy
“All you ‘daddies’ talk a lot of bullshit but you still don’t actually answer the question. For example, you can say “I’m not attracted to kids, I just like girls in short skirts and pigtails” or “I’m not a pedophile, I just get off to innocence” but you never take that extra step and ask why you’re attracted to those things and it says a lot about you as a person if you’re not willing to take that extra step.” — Anonymous ask
Thank you for asking. You presume that I haven’t “taken that extra step” and “asked myself why.”
I’m going to blame Tumblr’s recent content restrictions but as I said in one of my earliest posts my original intention was to explore D/Lg, a kink I’d known nothing about and, like you, had associated with veiled pedophilia.
If you’re the same person who’s been flooding me with attempts to get me to adopt your definition then you’ll be disappointed to learn that I was introduced to D/Lg by a long-term partner who identified as a Submissive and a Little.
My very first girlfriend in high-school asked me to tie her up because she’d read about it in the historical romance novels she liked to read and it turned her on. She was also very turned on by power-exchange relationships between “lords and serving girls” in those novels and wanted me to re-enact those situations with her. Incidentally, she also wanted me to massage her head to toe. And, like a lot of women of all ages, she had a really tough time having orgasms but was very emphatic that I made sure she had them.
I was perfectly fine with most of this. I loved tying her up! I adored massaging her for hour on end. And I’d been turned on by the idea of making someone come since I’d first read about it in a sex manual I’d found in my parent’s room.
Much to her annoyance, I didn’t enjoy ordering her around or making rules. She had a pretty strong personality, was keenly intelligent, and had a bit of a short temper. If you were interested in the dynamics of kink this probably wouldn’t surprise you.
The upshot was that from the beginning of my sex life I’ve always been a) responsive to my partners’ turn-ons and also b) very attracted to being the active party during sex…
But also c) haven’t been interested in or very good at domination with a capital D.
Given the over-the-top ignorance about non-missionary sexuality I spent years believing I was just a shitty or failed Dom.
Then, like I say, I fell in love with a wonderful, beautiful woman who was a) quite a Submissive, b) more Masochistic than I was comfortable with, and c) way more experienced in her kink community than I was. When she first mentioned spending time with a close friend who was a “Little” and boyfriend who was a “Daddy” I was probably put off as much by the idea as you are.
But over the course of a few weeks she told me more and more about her friends’ relationship and slowly came more and more out to me as a Little herself. And she taught me that it wasn’t that while she enjoyed dressing up in outrageous clothes and drawing cute things she never even remotely “regressed” to an age other than her own: a grown woman who just liked cute things. And liked pretending she was shy and innocent even though she was proudly and even gleefully anything but those things. And the more she taught me about being a “Daddy” the more comfortable I was with the idea.
The thing that appealed to me about being a “Daddy” isn’t about having sex with children (because that’s not just immoral or criminal but weird, gross, abusive, damaging, and by-definition non-consensual and therefore not kinky.)
Instead it’s about being dominant without being a Dom. With partners who can be submssive without being Submissives. In most regards it’s as ridiculous and inauthentic as my first girlfriend’s deep Lord/wench fantasies.
And to echo the original question, even in high-school my first girlfriend was able to offer a surprisingly deep critique of the pleasure she took from her darkly inegalitarian erotic fantasies in the bedroom in the context of her passionate commitment to gender equality and feminism. (Something else I learned from her and that has helped shape my philosophy of sex and gender ever since.)
And so, yeah, I’m not attracted to children, and yeah, I enjoy partners who like pretending to be innocent, and yeah, while I’m not a Dom I’m sexually dominant, and after nearly three years I’m confident and comfortable being a non-dominant D/Lg Daddy with adult partners who are D/Lg Littles. And, yeah, I’ve taken that extra step and deeply interrogated my kink. And finally, yeah, having done that, despite quite a lot of previously-shared misunderstanding and prejudice I’m confident and comfortable with my kink as well.
