how do you recognize being a traditional submissive with being a feminist”? i struggle a lot reading texts talking about being a “good traditional girl for him” but also it’s what feels right in the moment??
MOOD
I’m new to reading “tradfem” blogs and I find some of them completely at odds with myself and my values. I try to ignore those ones and only seek out what feels good and right to me. I love the traditional aesthetic, and I love some of the aspects of the values, but I’m happy to pick and choose what I’ll take or leave. Same thing with kink blogs.
I would never be okay with a world based on traditional gender roles. From my studies and lived experiences I know that gender roles are socially constructed – not biological – and that they cause more harm than good. Ideally, everyone should be able to express their gender the way that makes sense to them.
I also have a kink for submission and forced femininity. That isn’t at odds with my values, because it happens only between consenting partners in a kink setting. I love cooking and dressing up and cleaning for my Sir, but I would never accept a vanilla boyfriend expecting me to do housework for him because he thinks it’s my job. Sir and I have an understanding that our dynamic is negotiated (we have a contract and everything) and that the sexism we roleplay is play, not reality. He enjoys the role of the dominant controlling man, but he also knows that when he needs it I can step out of my role as subservient little girl and can give him advice, or criticize him, or do whatever. It’s all about communication and trust.
Feminism is the fight for the liberation of all people from patriarchy. When I’m having fun with my loving boyfriend roleplaying something that gets us both off, and I know that throughout the whole experience he respects me as an equal and won’t take advantage of my vulnerability, I don’t think I’m straying too far from that fight. I wouldn’t say kink is feminist, especially straight bdsm with a man as the dom and woman as the sub, but I don’t think it’s necessarily always anti-feminist
Thanks for bearing with the long response!
THE key difference between D/S Submission or being a D/Lg Little, or being into humiliation play, having a forced into “traditional” femininity or other, similar kinks and actual, real misogynistic “traditional femininity,” abuse, and discrimination is…
Whether that shit follows you when you walk out of the bedroom door. And the front door. And your office, workplace, or church door. Or just walking down the goddamn street.
I mentioned earlier today (or meant to, or it could be in my queue) that pretty much all the people who like their asshole touched when they’re about to come have exactly zero interest whatsoever in having their asshole touched when they’re crunching to submit form R-377 to the head office under deadline.
It’s the same with any kind of traditional gender roles. Hot in bed, if it makes you wet and/or hard. Decidedly not anywhere else.
The other comparison: it’s hot playing cop/prisoner games with handcuffs with your sweetie in the bedroom, it’s straight-up non-sexy hell in the back of a police cruiser on the way to jail.
Use the fortune-cookie game rules: It’s just a kink of you only mean “…in bed.”
