i think……..one of the many problems in how sex is perceived in society is that we seem to think its this “skill” like people are very anxious about getting experience or practice or whatever wrt sex but that’s not really how it works, it’s a fundamentally an expression, a conversation; two-sided, subjective, situational, and figuring out what works for everyone involved, as opposed to being just another objective talent to master for all situations as if its one-size-fits-all without consideration to your specific partner
This is so great. It really is about improvising. It’s also why I tend to be wary of those who say ‘if you’re not doing some particular thing, then you’re doing it wrong’.
Every time I’ve enjoyed sex, it’s because I’ve clicked with a person, not because I’ve trotted out a rehearsed routine or gone through some sex checklist.
This makes me so happy. I rant a lot about stereotypes, and they really are a problem in kink, in the bedroom, and of course in the world at large. But it’s just as big a problem thinking there’s a “right” way to have sex. Or even a “best” way to have sex…
Well. Other than being with your lover and not with the last one, or the one you read about, or the one you heard about, or the one you wish you were with.
But here’s a little secret: there’s not even a “right way” to kiss! There’s only the way that you work out together. (Hint: a lot of next dates never happen because one or both parties kissed the way they’ve “always” done it… and it’s not how their now-erstwhile date does it at all.)
Now multiply that by the 10,000 other things that two people might not even notice between that first catch of the eye or swipe of the dating app and when they finally lie side-by-side, sweat cooling, and it’s time one might ordinarily say “want to do that again?”
Cause guess what? If “want to do that again” is the first real conversation you try to have? Then the answer’s almost certainly going to be “nope.”
