xxxamorexxx:

Blow jobs.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, about the act of it, the way many posts go on about how amazing it is. It the one thing I see a lot of on Tumblr, that and people going down on women, but mainly blow jobs. Women deep throating with tears running down their face, gagging, cum all over their face, drool all over their lips and dripping down their chin. Spitting cum out of their mouth or sticking their tongue out to accept it.

I don’t think I know a man who doesn’t enjoy receiving blow jobs, and all for different reasons. For my Master, it’s not so much the blow job that he likes but the bond, there is a deeper meaning for him. For my hubby it’s the feel of it, soft, wet. Every man likes it for different reasons.

I’ve never enjoyed giving blow jobs, I don’t like the taste of precum and it’s put me off trying the taste of cum. I can’t stand spit and drool, it makes me feel queasy. I can talk about it, sexting is easy, I can happily oblige, but when it comes to the act, I struggle. Many reasons really, which is why I’m writing this post.

1. I don’t particularly enjoy it.

As I said earlier, I’m not keen on the taste of cum and it’s not something I get much out of, and yes I am aware of how selfish it sounds. I prefer using my hands, feeling his cock that way, I feel more in control that way. I can also see his cock better.

2. I don’t think I’m very good.

Now, my hubby would disagree with me on this, but I really don’t think I’m any good. I have no idea how to do it, or if it feels nice. I stop quite a bit to check in if Hubby is enjoying it, which he always says he does, but I still have doubts.

3. I don’t think I look good doing it.

I can’t control my facial expressions, I can’t see how I look (unless it’s in front of a mirror) and I just generally don’t think I look sexy.

Then I realised something…..I’m comparing myself to all the gifs you see on Tumblr, all the female porn stars I’ve watched and all the erotica that I read about. The thing is though, none of that is real, and I am. Not every woman enjoys giving blow jobs and not every man enjoys receiving it. Not every man enjoys receiving it in the way I see on Tumblr, every man is individual.

I try and give Hubby blow jobs because I know he enjoys them, he always makes sure I’m okay whilst I am performing then too. I always check in to see if he enjoys, asking him the ways in which he likes it. I’m not very good at deep throating, but guess what, not many people are! Again another pressure I placed on myself. The more I thought about this, the more annoyed I got at myself.

So I sit here today, writing this post and reminding myself that I am a real person. That I don’t look like those porn stars you see on Tumblr or films and that I can’t deep throat, and that is okay! I will continue to give hubby blow jobs, but I will do it without these negative thoughts, because I know that he knows that I am a real woman, who giggles when she starts to gag, who stares up into Hubby’s eyes smiling up at him as I ask him “Is this okay?” I’m not like those women I see, and I don’t want to be. I want to be me, and me is all I need to be.

– A xx

Awesome, brilliant post for two equally brilliant, awesome reasons.

1) Blowjobs

It’s ok if you you’re not comfortable going down on your partner.  No, really.  Really!  It’s ok!

It’s ok even if you’re Submissive.  it’s ok even if you’re a gay man!  

It’s ok even if “everybody does it.”  (Hint: not everybody does it!)

Unless we’re still horribly immature we typically think it’s fine if someone doens’t like golf, or chocolate, or romantic walk in the rain, or dancing, or drinking alcohol.  

So we should think it’s fine if someone doesn’t like eating pussy or sucking dick.

That’s what boundaries and limits are for!  Especially in kink!  Because OMG if it’s ok for a Dom to say they’re not comfortable cuddling (their loss) or a Sub to say they’re not comfortable being on top, then it’s ok to be uncomfortable going down on your sweetie.

That said…

It’s not ok to be selfish or lazy or macho or femme.  If you’re able to but won’t that’s a whole ‘nother story.  Well.  Actually it’s still ok for you to be an asshole, but it’s also ok for us to point and laugh at you.

---

2) Comparison

The most important thing to remember about porn is that the actors and actresses do what they do to look good, not to feel good.  Period.

A good way to think about porn is that it’s a three-way – one where two (typically) individuals are there to please the third: the camera.  And by extension the consumer.

This is true even for selfie porn!

It’s true even when both on-camera partners get lost in each other, forget about the camera, and where both of them come!

How can that be?

Because guess what, friends and neighbors: people don’t upload the photos or videos where they don’t look good.

With porn, even if they’re lost in the moment while the camera’s running they’re clear-eyed and critical (even self-critical) while they’re editing and deciding what to upload.

To borrow from fanfic parlance, in porn everybody gets to be the Mary Sue or Lazarus Long!

You can’t compete with that when you’re having sex.  Your sweetheart’s got to be pretty inexperienced, or shallow, or self-conscious themselves to expect it.

Real actual sex feels good.  When you’re having real sex your consciousness is somewhere between your hips, not your ears.  Real, actual sex that feels good is awkward, messy, and embarrassing to watch.  Truth be told, real, non-performative sex is usually pretty boring to watch!

That’s ok.  Because real sex isn’t there to be watched, it’s there to be felt!  It’s there to be experienced, not observed.

Most people have RBF when they come.  Everybody looks more goony than hot when they’re really into the dick in their mouth.  Your boobs hang funny if you’ve got boobs when you’re on your side.  Your balls flop ridiculously if you’ve got balls when you’re on top.  Even the most rock-hard abs turn into muffin tops when you lose your focus.  Your legs go the wrong way.  You can’t get traction on the sheets.  If you make sounds at all they’re not “porn” sounds.  

That’s not a problem, because if you’re doing it well then your partner’s got tunnel vision just like you do.

That’s not a problem it’s a feature!

And I don’t know about little boys or little girls, but an older, experienced partner sees your face go dead slack and your butt start to clench, and you start huffing through your nose, and your legs go all “wrong” and he’ll say “ she’s almost there; she’s so sexy; this is the real thing!”  If he or she notices that crease in your belly at a time like that there are bigger problems in your relationship than how you look.

I promise!

Don’t compare yourself to porn.  

Don’t compare yourself to other people.

Don’t even compare your horny self to your non-horny self!

You. 

Look.

Amazing.

When.

You’re.

Enjoying.

Sex.

Always!

Big, big hats off to @xxxamorexxx for getting this.  Big hats off to her for sharing it.  We’ve never met but I believe her partner: when she’s going down on him she’s the center of his universe.

So are you!