Posts Tagged ‘bad sex in porn’
Porn vs real…
Have you ever watched porn stars “kiss?” Two people getting paid to barely let their lips touch so the camera can “capture the action” while they basically lick each other’s tongues?
Eww, right,
Porn fucking is like that too.
Don’t do anything like they do it in porn.
Hey, check out these two items that showed up one after another in my Tumblr feed. Maybe I’m just being a cranky Daddy about porn again, but one of these faces should not be like the other one.
The woman in the bottom photo looks disgusted and angry because someone won’t leave her the fuck alone. And rightly so!
The one in the top photo looks even angrier and more disgusted while… having a fairly routine threeway.
Not exactly sure why that angry/disgusted “omg there’s a penis in me” look is so common on women in porn, but I think it’s got a lot to do with the fact that a heck of a lot of industrial pornographers are every bit as prissy, prudish, immature, and socially conservative as their “moral majority” critics.
Although to be fair, repeated porn-industry statistics show the biggest consumers of industrial porn are from highly-conservative parts of the country where, who knows, maybe the customers expect their partners to be angry and disgusted by sex! I dunno.
You see the same thing in “XXXtreme BDSM” porn from Kink.com and its asshat wannabes where the women “masochists” (and it’s mostly women) look miserable, unhappy, uncomfortable, and afraid. When really most of the Masochists I’ve met are generally happy, horny, and downright enthusiastic.
But at least they rarely look as infuriated as they do in mainstream-vanilla porn.
Rule #5: don’t do it like they do it in porn. If you really don’t like something use a safeword. And if you don’t have one there’s always the universal safeword: “what the fuck, asshole?!?!”
No, really!
Industrial porn with all its concerns about international regulations and surprisingly prissy male squeamishness about human vaginas is well known for keeping lots of towels on hand to minimize all hints of natural lubrication. And hints of women’s arousal, period, actually. Australia and, I think, Indonesia, prohibit importation of “visible inner labia!,” and since labial engorgement and separation are kind of hallmarks of, you know, actual arousal pornographers just rule that right out.
So basically porn as an institution more or less obliges women to perform with the equivalent of no erection. Back in the 1950s and 1960s men actually had similar restrictions – there was a hard (heh) and fast rule that penises could be shown engorged to no more than a 45 degree angle.
We’re more “progressive” now, I guess. Since according to most international laws men can’t be “sex trafficked” or exploited (but, you know, often are) considerable effort goes on in both directions – to keep men harder than they usually get at work, and women no more aroused than they typically are when they’re working.
Anyway, long story short, I really actually do love how wet you get for me. Because, you know, if you’re not just as aroused as I am let’s just kiss. Or talk.
Don’t do it like they do it in porn. And for the love of all that’s real, don’t expect anyone to look or act like they do in porn!
Mmmm, I really do love it when you get wet. For me, for your sweetie, for yourself.
Best reminder ever that what people do in porn isn’t what you see in porn, not at all, at all.
Porn is a job. It’s work. It doesn’t pay very well for most participants. Most participants stay fully dressed. The ones who do get undressed rarely decide what they’re going to do next. The person with the camera or shot list does. All poses and actions are chosen to be visible to the camera Nd to look good rather than feel good to the workers in front of the camera.
This isn’t meant to diminish anyone’s enjoyment of porn. Instead it’s to humanize the people you see in it. And deepen your appreciation for the work they do.
And to get over the idea that how they do it in porn is how you’d like to do it with your sweetie in bed.
Because pretty much everybody likes fucking, unless you’re doing it wrong…
You ever get tired of women in porn acting like dicks have splinters in them?
Maybe I’m doing something wrong but usually if a partner and I are fucking and she looks uncomfortable it’s because I’m doing something wrong.
It’s never just because we’re fucking. Pretty much everybody likes fucking.
Unless you’re doing it wrong.
So WTF all the porn tropes like it’s turning her inside out?
Every single representation of a woman looking unhappy is a representation of a man who’s 100% incompetent. Not 90% incompetent, cause women are people and people are surprisingly resilient, especially if they’re even remotely horny.
So. Not men who are 90% inept, incompetent, thumb-fingered twits. Men who are 100% boneheads who couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were in the heel.
Don’t know why anyone thinks that’s sexy. But I’m guessing “shitty male lover” is the internet’s #1 unheralded fetish.
🤷♂️
Do you think men (preferably older) care about the color of pussy? Because all I’m seeing is mostly pink pussy and because of my ethnicity I have grey in my pussy. Have you ever thought of it?
This is an excellent question. And I’m going to dodge it a little bit by saying that age probably doesn’t have much to do with men’s preferences.
I’m going to dodge a little bit more by saying that OMG human beings are all over the map but porn is as homogenized as reconstituted skim milk.
Allegedly true fact: thanks to extremely weird local censorship regulations (Australia, Japan, Indonesia, for instance) and because international markets are so important to the porn industry, some of the larger companies allegedly wrote photoshop scripts to “resculpt” model’s vulvas to hide pubic hair, visible inner labia, to lighten their skin overall, and to shade their vulvas to match the color of the skin on their thighs or abdomens. Why would they write such a thing? To save time because they had to do it to every. single. photo. Or else run the risk of getting banned or blocked… somewhere.
Point being that even if your ethnicity is far-northern European there’s a non-zero chance your vulva could be any number of non-”pink” color. Or colors!
Note: for some reason nobody seems to freak out similarly about penises so you’ll see way more color and texture variation for those in porn. So guess what? Vulvas and penises grow from the same embryonic tissue. So all the variation you see in men in porn is also 100% present in women. When they’re not filtered.
So! With all that Daddy’splaining out of the way now I can answer your actual question.
Most men with a little experience in real life, including not just older but younger men, are going to recognize that no matter what your ethnicity you’re likely to have more color variation than they see in porn. Especially mainstream porn.
I’d warn you that if you’re “ethnic” some of them will make some kind of goddamn stereotyped fetish out of you. If so then tell them to come back when they’ve got that shit sorted out. (Even “positive” racism is still racism,” right?) But most of them are going to be totally fine. Quite a few will just be happy that you’re willing to let them see, touch, taste, or generally be with you at all.
Oh, last tip might be to search for some of the “GoneWild” subreddits on… well… Reddit. The GoneWild subreddits tend to be heavily moderated, body positive, respectful, and they require that all content be posted by the person or people in the photos. There are a number of sub-subreddits for and about people from specific parts of the world or people who are descended from different ethnicities. Since you only say “my ethnicity” I can’t really Google up a subreddit where you could see people who look like you and not like Barbie and Ken. But there are quite a few.
Oh, and final, final note: we live in a broad culture that rains hell down on women about their bodies and body images. The result is that very, very, very few women are afraid there’s something wrong or ugly about their vulvas. This is particularly likely if you’re a heterosexual woman since it’s possible you won’t consider any vulvas particularly attractive. The homogenization in porn only makes this worse. Worrying about color, or shape, or hair, or symmetry, or… well… basically everything that normal humans actually look like is pretty common. While, meanwhile, most men who are attracted to women are likely to think you look just fine.
I hope I’ve helped a little bit. It’s a great question so thank you. And best of luck!
Unnervingly identical voices in porn…
On women’s voices in porn
So I saw three distinctly different porn clips in my feed a little while ago.
- Different people.
- Different scenarios.
- Different sex acts, and…
The women in all three were making exactly the same noises!
- Same pitch
- Same tempo
- Same syllables
Could have been the same audio clip, tbh!
Might sound funny but I’ve never, ever heard a real partner make those sounds.
Must be because I’m a terrible lover, right?
(Honestly, this is the #1 reason I hardly ever watch porn videos and why I always turn off the sound once the sex starts.)
Just say no to stunt fucking, entry #248,388
Not gonna let you know what I really think about this nonsense (oops!) But lets just say this isn’t terribly representative of most BDSM.
Nothing wrong with enjoying seriously harsh kink. If you AND your partner are both into it. Otherwise just say no to stunt fucking in porn.
Expectations and comparisons are about the only thing that you really can’t bring into the bedroom, hmm?
xxxamorexxx on blowjobs…
Blow jobs.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, about the act of it, the way many posts go on about how amazing it is. It the one thing I see a lot of on Tumblr, that and people going down on women, but mainly blow jobs. Women deep throating with tears running down their face, gagging, cum all over their face, drool all over their lips and dripping down their chin. Spitting cum out of their mouth or sticking their tongue out to accept it.
I don’t think I know a man who doesn’t enjoy receiving blow jobs, and all for different reasons. For my Master, it’s not so much the blow job that he likes but the bond, there is a deeper meaning for him. For my hubby it’s the feel of it, soft, wet. Every man likes it for different reasons.
I’ve never enjoyed giving blow jobs, I don’t like the taste of precum and it’s put me off trying the taste of cum. I can’t stand spit and drool, it makes me feel queasy. I can talk about it, sexting is easy, I can happily oblige, but when it comes to the act, I struggle. Many reasons really, which is why I’m writing this post.
1. I don’t particularly enjoy it.
As I said earlier, I’m not keen on the taste of cum and it’s not something I get much out of, and yes I am aware of how selfish it sounds. I prefer using my hands, feeling his cock that way, I feel more in control that way. I can also see his cock better.
2. I don’t think I’m very good.
Now, my hubby would disagree with me on this, but I really don’t think I’m any good. I have no idea how to do it, or if it feels nice. I stop quite a bit to check in if Hubby is enjoying it, which he always says he does, but I still have doubts.
3. I don’t think I look good doing it.
I can’t control my facial expressions, I can’t see how I look (unless it’s in front of a mirror) and I just generally don’t think I look sexy.
Then I realised something…..I’m comparing myself to all the gifs you see on Tumblr, all the female porn stars I’ve watched and all the erotica that I read about. The thing is though, none of that is real, and I am. Not every woman enjoys giving blow jobs and not every man enjoys receiving it. Not every man enjoys receiving it in the way I see on Tumblr, every man is individual.
I try and give Hubby blow jobs because I know he enjoys them, he always makes sure I’m okay whilst I am performing then too. I always check in to see if he enjoys, asking him the ways in which he likes it. I’m not very good at deep throating, but guess what, not many people are! Again another pressure I placed on myself. The more I thought about this, the more annoyed I got at myself.
So I sit here today, writing this post and reminding myself that I am a real person. That I don’t look like those porn stars you see on Tumblr or films and that I can’t deep throat, and that is okay! I will continue to give hubby blow jobs, but I will do it without these negative thoughts, because I know that he knows that I am a real woman, who giggles when she starts to gag, who stares up into Hubby’s eyes smiling up at him as I ask him “Is this okay?” I’m not like those women I see, and I don’t want to be. I want to be me, and me is all I need to be.
– A xx
Awesome, brilliant post for two equally brilliant, awesome reasons.
1) Blowjobs
It’s ok if you you’re not comfortable going down on your partner. No, really. Really! It’s ok!
It’s ok even if you’re Submissive. it’s ok even if you’re a gay man!
It’s ok even if “everybody does it.” (Hint: not everybody does it!)
Unless we’re still horribly immature we typically think it’s fine if someone doens’t like golf, or chocolate, or romantic walk in the rain, or dancing, or drinking alcohol.
So we should think it’s fine if someone doesn’t like eating pussy or sucking dick.
That’s what boundaries and limits are for! Especially in kink! Because OMG if it’s ok for a Dom to say they’re not comfortable cuddling (their loss) or a Sub to say they’re not comfortable being on top, then it’s ok to be uncomfortable going down on your sweetie.
That said…
It’s not ok to be selfish or lazy or macho or femme. If you’re able to but won’t that’s a whole ‘nother story. Well. Actually it’s still ok for you to be an asshole, but it’s also ok for us to point and laugh at you.
2) Comparison
The most important thing to remember about porn is that the actors and actresses do what they do to look good, not to feel good. Period.
A good way to think about porn is that it’s a three-way – one where two (typically) individuals are there to please the third: the camera. And by extension the consumer.
This is true even for selfie porn!
It’s true even when both on-camera partners get lost in each other, forget about the camera, and where both of them come!
How can that be?
Because guess what, friends and neighbors: people don’t upload the photos or videos where they don’t look good.
With porn, even if they’re lost in the moment while the camera’s running they’re clear-eyed and critical (even self-critical) while they’re editing and deciding what to upload.
To borrow from fanfic parlance, in porn everybody gets to be the Mary Sue or Lazarus Long!
You can’t compete with that when you’re having sex. Your sweetheart’s got to be pretty inexperienced, or shallow, or self-conscious themselves to expect it.
Real actual sex feels good. When you’re having real sex your consciousness is somewhere between your hips, not your ears. Real, actual sex that feels good is awkward, messy, and embarrassing to watch. Truth be told, real, non-performative sex is usually pretty boring to watch!
That’s ok. Because real sex isn’t there to be watched, it’s there to be felt! It’s there to be experienced, not observed.
Most people have RBF when they come. Everybody looks more goony than hot when they’re really into the dick in their mouth. Your boobs hang funny if you’ve got boobs when you’re on your side. Your balls flop ridiculously if you’ve got balls when you’re on top. Even the most rock-hard abs turn into muffin tops when you lose your focus. Your legs go the wrong way. You can’t get traction on the sheets. If you make sounds at all they’re not “porn” sounds.
That’s not a problem, because if you’re doing it well then your partner’s got tunnel vision just like you do.
That’s not a problem it’s a feature!
And I don’t know about little boys or little girls, but an older, experienced partner sees your face go dead slack and your butt start to clench, and you start huffing through your nose, and your legs go all “wrong” and he’ll say “ she’s almost there; she’s so sexy; this is the real thing!” If he or she notices that crease in your belly at a time like that there are bigger problems in your relationship than how you look.
I promise!
Don’t compare yourself to porn.
Don’t compare yourself to other people.
Don’t even compare your horny self to your non-horny self!
You.
Look.
Amazing.
When.
You’re.
Enjoying.
Sex.
Always!
Big, big hats off to @xxxamorexxx for getting this. Big hats off to her for sharing it. We’ve never met but I believe her partner: when she’s going down on him she’s the center of his universe.
So are you!