Posts Tagged ‘let’s not to this’
So I was at a munch with my dom and they asked the subs to go around and say what our most recent punishment my Daddy said I didn’t have to but I did I got lines for forgetting to drink my whole water bottle three times it’s a rule I’m very new to submission so Daddy wasn’t even mad They told me I’m bad for doing that and they were shocked I only got limes and how I deserve worse Am I really bad Daddy stopped them and took me home and we’re not going back but is he just being nice
No, he is being a good and loving Dom who recognizes that punishment should be proportional to the infraction, and who recognizes that how the two of you “do D/s” is your decision, not those bunch of people, who sound like idiots to me.
Wow. I have never had a munch experience like this where I was forced to answer some question, let alone being judged for that response. Hopefully you can find a different munch in your area, anon. I’ve been to several in my area, and zero of them has been like this.
Ahahah! What a total violation of munch protocol! Also D/S protocol!
Not to sound prickly but it’s roughly the equivalent of asking the Exhibitionists to go around and flash their asses. And then calling someone bad a bad Exhibitionist because they didn’t want to.
“Oh, but we’re only talking about erotic punishments so it’s ok.” No, you’re talking about group humiliation-play on all the Subs.
The “good” news is that it sounds like the munch was for folks who share a very particular and narrow definition of “high protocol” or somesuch nonsense. The bad news is that, like a lot of “communities” they manage to alienate pretty much everyone who doesn’t share that particularly narrow definition.
There’s a reason why the vast majority of kinksters don’t get involved in the local “community.” It’s usually because it’s not really much of a community at all.
That said! There’s also nothing wrong with saying “wait a minute, is this really appropriate for a munch?” Even if you’re new. It’s one of those “see something, say something” situations.
Reblogging this because even tho I am into this, there are so many that aren’t. My kink may not be your kink and thats ok.
Shoutout to all the men and women who aren’t into choking and spanking and degrading etc – don’t let tumblr make you think there’s something wrong with you for not enjoying that sort of thing.
Big hats off to @carpe-noctvm. Yes. Absolutely!
50 Shades of Grey has sold 125 million copies, which sounds like a lot, right? Despite being translated into the 52 most-common languages, with 7.5 billion people in the world that’s still only one out of 60 people.
Yeah, yeah, 50 Shades readers is a pretty sloppy proxy for the number of kinksters in the world. But it’s still safe to say that only about one in 50 people are into “choking and spanking and degrading, etc.”
So you’re not into choking, spanking, degrading, etc? You’re not alone. You’re not weird. You’re not unhip. You’re totally cool.
Note: despite having been almost completely appropriated by gaslighters and abusers (cough 50 Shades of Grey!) the original principle of “sex positivity” was that we don’t judge or shame anybody’s sexuality as long as it’s freely and competently consensual. That means only “sex-negative” assholes shame vanilla people for being vanilla.
Final note: Even if you are kinky, don’t let Tumblr-style representations make you think there’s something wrong with the way you do it!
No, wait! Final final note: never forget that most “peer pressure” comes from internal judgment of what we think “everyone else” is doing and, especially, internal beliefs of what “others might think.” That’s as true for sex as it is for anything else “everyone else does.”
Porn vs real…
Have you ever watched porn stars “kiss?” Two people getting paid to barely let their lips touch so the camera can “capture the action” while they basically lick each other’s tongues?
Eww, right,
Porn fucking is like that too.
Don’t do anything like they do it in porn.
I bought this new toy and every time I cum, I squirt. This is so weird to me because all the other orgasms ive had, I’ve never squirted. My bf thinks now that this entire time ive been with him, I’ve been faking since he has never seen me squirt like that. But ive used many toys before by myself and I’ve made myself cum multiple times, but again no squirting. Everytime I explain this he says he gets it, but I can tell he is upset and still off about it. What do I tell him to get us back on track
Followers?
Squirting orgasms are not superior orgasms.
Let me just repeat that.
SQUIRTING ORGASMS ARE NOT SUPERIOR ORGASMS. They are just a thing that happens. They don’t feel better. They don’t mean anything different. Literally it’s an involuntary response that just happens. That’s it. It would be like if you had some weird nerve endings that made you sneeze sometimes when you cum. For most women, it’s just a thing that happens sometimes.
Anon, was is that clit sucker thing? My partner got one, and I soaked through towels on the bed because I squirted so much. Evil little fucker.
OMG, us dudes have to stop making our partners’ orgasms about us! Most women can have orgasms just fine by themselves. Most women who can squirt can make themselves squirt all by themselves. Pussies aren’t game controllers. Sex isn’t a boss fight. Orgasms aren’t achievements.
And guess what, cowboys? If you stopped making her orgasms all about you and your goddamn ego then maybe she wouldn’t feel so much pressure to fake them.
Assuming she is faking them. Which it seems likely @instructor144′s anon wasn’t even doing!
Instead her partner’s so fucking anxious he thinks she was. Because she wasn’t squirting before. Than which OMFG!!!
“Squirting” isn’t evidence of a better orgasm. In fact about half the women who have them say it’s a more “diffuse” orgasm.
I could go on (and on, and on) about the differential distribution of erogenous loci in pudendal nerves in both male and female genitalia… but I won’t, at least this time, because it’s not really relevant.
What’s relevant is the dude imagines that since “squirting” orgasms are less common and usually more difficult to have then they must be superior orgasms. And the dude imagines that if she’s figured out a way to have squirting orgasms that must mean that all her other orgasms must have been “faked.” And that’s just a special kind of ignorant, arrogant, uninformed, insecure, and pathetic.
Is it ok to be mistaken about one’s partner’s anatomy and/or sexual response? Sure! Is it ok to continue to insist that your mistakes are in fact true? Yeah, no, that’s… ignorant, arrogant, uninformed, insecure, and pathetic again.
Have a dick, gang, don’t be one.
I’m still pretty new, and have been talking for 2 weeks with a dom that lives long distance. We seem to be syncing well, have similar tastes with regard to kink, humor, etc. There have been no red flags but for: As soon as I mentioned a woman I’m fwb with, it’s been all about the 3 of us getting together, rather than just he and I. And I mentioned this once before and he seemed to pivot but now is right back to the 3some. I like 3somes, more fun for all, but it still pricks my ego a bit. Silly?
Not silly at all. If he is genuinely interested in YOU, rather than just getting it on with two people, then he should have said that’s interesting and then returned his focus to YOU. Guys seem to have a freaking obsession with threesomes. Here’s a spoiler alert, boys: truth is, they’re basically “meh.”
I’m all for threesomes. But if your my partner your my partner unless it has been otherwise discussed. Seeing that it’s new, maybe hes just testing boundaries or it’s his idea of a joke. If it rubs you the wrong way, tell him.
This is radically important! This is why boundaries matter, not for safety or gratification but for relationship workability.
Imagine a boss just expected that one of their employee’s friends ought to do them a huge favor, even though the friend’s never even met the boss. Can you imagine saying anything besides “you’re fucking kidding me?”
I bet you can imagine saying no way because that would be 100% totally and completely out of line! Our employer having a (working) relationship with us in absolutely no way has anything to do with our relationship with other people in our lives.
So.
A Sub may have a relationship with a Dom, and inside that relationship they may do all manner of submissive, painful, humiliating, and challenging things. Because that’s their relationship agreement.
If you’ve got another FWB, especially if it’s someone you were friends with before you entered your agreement with a Dom, then that’s your relationship, not his. His relationship with you doesn’t magically translate into a relationship with her.
Now…
If he didn’t understand that boundaries are essential to relationships and kink in general, and to power-exchange kinks in particular, then, yeah, he might imagine that
a) He’d like to have threeway sex with you and another woman
b) You have a female sex partner
c) You’ve agreed to Submit to him
d) Therefore his relationship with you gives him a relationship with her.
This chain of logic works only if someone has no sense of appropriate boundaries.
Leave aside the question of whether this guy wants a threeway more than he wants a good relationship with someone who sounds like a really put-together Sub. Let’s just pretend that’s not really what seems to be going on.
Instead let’s just take the opportunity to see how fucking up perfectly ordinary boundaries in a kink relationship have pushed the anonymous Sub out from under him. Where he may never be able to get her back.
Good fences make good neighbors. Good boundaries make good kink relationships.