Itâs magnificent as porn goes, doing exactly the only thing pornâs really meant for: exposing as much of her as possible while minimizing how much we see of her co-worker.
Thatâs all fine. Theyâre real pros and doing what needs to be done: minimize all necessary contact except for dick and pussy so the cameraâs view isnât obstructed.
But thereâs a difference between sex and porn isnât there? I donât know about you but when weâre having sex I want my whole body to be skin to skin with yours. Because thereâs a hell of a lot more to how sex feels than the end of a dick or the entrance to a vagina, isnât there? Itâs a whole body feeling. Porn never shows us that.
A nice Daddy says âomg, angel, what got into you? I didnât expect this at all. You look so ridiculously cute looking up like that at me. Feels so incredible! I know you like when I pull your hair, is this ok? Oh, sweetie, youâre going to make. me. come. any. second…!!!â
A mean Daddy says âIâll keep filming if you want, bootstrap, but folks are going to be noticing that open toilet seat lid than noticing you.â
Itâs a beautiful photo but from on my big monitor itâs clear heâs distracted by something off to his left. Perhaps a cue from the director?
Again, not knocking the photo or anyone whoâs liked or reposted it. I mean I sure wouldnât have noticed if I hadnât first tried to figure out whatâs in his hands. Wasnât till after that I noticed heâs not even paying attentyto the women in front of him.
And I doubt the editor or anyone else but me did either. And As a former professional leather worker I thought he might have been holding a nice whip!
Still. Itâs a good lesson in the difference between real life and porn. And a good reminder not to do it like they do it in porn!
Iâll often say âdonât do it like they do it in porn.â Just want to add that you really shouldnât do it like they do in non-porn either!
And no, not because his knot looks incompetent (I mean, my knots are just as incompetent!)
Instead, from a human-factors and task-mechanics standpoint what, exactly do they think theyâre going to do once heâs got her arms tied to the bedposts with her back to the bed frame, on a too-soft mattress both her ass and his knees will sink into, etc., etc.? Weâre just looking at leg cramps, crimped or twisted necks, sprung shoulders, barked shins, terrible penetration angles…
To be honest itâs a good thing his knots are slipshod. Because once he gets past the point of kissing her neck and shoulders from behind and maybe pawing her breasts inside her corset cups heâs going to have to untie her before they can do much of anything else.
Grumble, grumble, kids those days…
Update: Just to be clear, itâs a lovely, glamorous and rather adorably innocent image. Iâm not knocking any of the 11,000+ folks whoâve posted it, reposted it, or liked it. Not at all! It’s just… not a very good way to do actual BDSM bondage, in a way thatâs fairly typical of the mainstream movie/glamour industry.
Rule #5: donât do it like they do it in porn. An editorial content, public service message about porn being the shittiest possible substitute for sex education ever⊠that Tumblr @staff is going to filter anyway.
This is very good porn – great camera angles, wonderful lighting, amazing framing, good âactionâ exposure, aaaannnnnddddd…. consequently genuinely uncomfortable sex.
So if I were him? Then yes, Iâd be telling the goddamn director of photography that it hurts and I want to stop: hurting my back, straining my hamstrings, that I doubted that twisting her torso to the side was probably hurting my colleagueâs back, and that it was all well and good to do things so that the generally homo-anxious bennies who bought this shit a) saw as much of her as possible while b) seeing as little of me as possible, and c) could you please take your goddam photos so we could stop.
Iâd also be whispering into my coworkerâs ear that if she wanted to get together later could do this right. Â
Daddy would never fuck your cute little upturned ass this way, would he? No, not at all. Daddy would make sure we werenât injuring our spines, making sure we using some actual lube, and making sure that anything that did hurt did so in a good way.
I mean, not to sound too tetchy but doesnât this seem like a much nicer way to get off than the same old stand-back-and-wank âmoney shotâ trope in porn that too many actual real-life guys seem to now think is the ârightâ way to come during sex? Â
I mean, yeah, in porn thereâs nobody there to lie beside, no one to kiss, nothing to touch you but your own hand or maybe whatever sock youâre using to catch things so it doesnât get all over your keyboard.
And if you could grind against my hip or thigh then maybe we could both get off, hmm?
I probably shouldnât be so dour about men halting sex and then wanking themselves porn-style instead of coming the ânormalâ way during sex. Because, to be fair, for about 85% of women wanking after sex is the ânormalâ way to come, isnât it?
And to be even more fair, I suspect this stupid porn trick has done quite a lot to lower rates of unwanted, unplanned pregnancy and (though to a lesser extent) communicable disease transmission.
All the same Iâd rather we put more effort into it the other way. When we have sex I do all I can to make sure you come, using my hands and my mouth and my thigh if youâre going to grind one out.
The stupid porn trick of literally stepping back and jacking away while you sit or kneel or polish your nails because Iâm not touching you at all nor are you touching me?
If thatâs the way we were going to do it, angel, Iâd still want to be lying side by side with you, leg over leg, shoulder to shoulder, and eye to eye while we did it together.
I mean old 20th-Century style âmutual masturbationâ is actually a lovely way to feel good together!
But according to the Porn Gods and, I supposed, at least 3,000 years of gender assumptions, even though you could be enjoying yourself as much as I, youâre supposed to just sit there and be âgratifiedâ with my little spatters. Â
Ugh.
Yuck.
Fuck that shit.
Iâll get you off if youâll get me, ok, sodapop?
Oh well. One of the nice things about them banning all âadult contentâ is we wonât have to look at stupid-assed porn like this.
Because, I mean seriously, only porn stars fuck with their dicks halfway pulled out and their hands on their hips. Or sprawled sideways with one leg cocked up so thereâs zero contact with her clit. Or either of themm with basically zero body contact because dear god forbid anything get in the way of the sacred camera angle.
Promise me youâll never have sex like they do in porn. Because donât ask me how I know but it doesnât actually feel very good at all.
