hesincharge:

Missionary

“Missionary is so boring.”

“Get creative!”

“Missionary is so vanilla.”

Yeah, well, all I can say in response to that is when I’m on my back with my hands tied behind me, when he has one hand around the back of my neck and one hand around my waist, when my feet are hanging off the bed so I can’t get any leverage, when the most active thing I can do is clench around his cock while he is using me hard and extracting every ounce of everything i have just to pleasure himself until he collapses in a satisfied heap, spent but still with energy to kiss me deeply and look into my eyes and tell me that he hopes this was a good reminder that I’m his?

I’ll take that any day.

D/s is a mindset, not a position.

OMG, missionary is sooooo D/S!  Never forget that the same Victorians who came up with pretty much all our modern tropes about BDSM are the same ones who cooked up “missionary” sex.

I mean if you’re in the middle of vanilla bed death and only do rear-entry, or only do fellatio and cunnilingus after the Colbert monologue it’s not like you’re suddenly inspired and creative, right?  So it’s not the position that’s the problem, right?

Meanwhile the goddamn “missionaries” invented the position specifically for orgasm denial!  

Meanwhile what, exactly, could be less dominating than a 220 pound man pinning his 110 or 160 or 180 pound partner under him, his legs keeping her from being able to close her knees, his weight on her body, his cock finding its way inside her and driving her relentlessly into the mattress while she desperately tries to grind her clit up against him for a little contact… while she hears his animal breathing against her neck and shoulders and in his hoarse breath and low curses whispering in her ear as he uses her body like a rag doll?

For instance. 🤷‍♂️

Just saying that if you’re bored you’re probably boring.

Also, not to put too fine a point on it but do you actually even know what vanilla is?

It’s an orchid!  An epiphyte!  It’s native to gorgeous tropical islands.  There’s an obvious reason why Georgia O’Keefe painted one.  Its flavor enhances everything from chocolate to bourbon to bacon to creme brulee!  If you use it right it tastes goddamn wonderful!

Again, if you’re bored you might just be boring.

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