Posts Tagged ‘by my good girl’
Mood right now:
Feeling ugly, because Iâm only human, and Iâm not always full of positivity and confidence about myself – especially my face. Dear meâŠ.the face ????
Message keeps getting clearer
Radio’s on and I’m moving ‘round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I want to change my clothes, my hair, my face
– Bruce Springsteen
Call it another curse of the human condition, but odds are no better than average that weâll have the face or form or talents that we find most attractive. And since weâre generally bad at assessing what other people find attractive, odds are even lower that we can successfully imagine someone thinking weâre attractive.
We canât escape our feelings – theyâre ours! And weâre entitled to our own opinions. Itâs so important to acknowledge that.
Instead we have to take it on faith that others love, adore, crush out on, and lust after us just the way we are. Really!
Iâll point out this isnât that unreasonable an article of faith. We take it on faith that the face and form we wish we had… the one we find attractive… would be attractive to others. Since we make ourselves miserable with the first article of faith is it that big a risk to try out a new one?
Who are you going to believe, somebody else or your own lying eyes? If someone you love says youâre beautiful? Believe them!  Have faith.
Ways for shy subs to initiate sex? Initiating is a department I am seriously lacking in and I seriously need tips I want to improve.
Awesome question for a couple of excellent reasons!!!!
- Initiating can be hard for a lot of Subs. It just doesnât feel like a very submissive thing to do. It can be even harder if the Dom is the sort who agrees itâs their job to initiate.
- It can be especially tough when a Sub has a higher (real, imagined, temporary, or permanent) libido than their Dom.
- It can be even more of a problem when the Sub is a woman and the Dom is a man, because weâve got waaayyyyy too many dominant social myths and narratives about men wanting sex more than women.
- Because of 1-3, above, it can be an even bigger issue when the Sub is a man and the Dom is a woman.
- And if the Sub is a woman there are all those social âslut shamingâ narratives to contend with – kinksters are rarely more than partly insulated from dominant social narratives.Â
The âgoodâ news is this isnât just a problem for BDSM or other kink relationships. Itâs practically a running joke in vanilla culture no matter whoâs initiating.
But enough about the why and on to the what. What are some things a Sub can do to… if not outright initiate then at least indicate that theyâd like to have sex.
Wait! One thing not to do first! Being bratty or sassy is fine if thatâs part of your D/S or D/Lg play dynamic. (Sassing a Dom, Daddy, or other kind of top can be a great way to get something started.) But donât be an asshole in hopes of turning things into makeup sex, ok? One of my tags is âbe a Dom, not a dick.â That applies to Subs too.
As I used to do back in the day I like to go find good sources and see what they recommend. For instance, hereâs what lunaKM from SubmissiveGuide suggests
Iâm throwing this out there for others to comment on because I am the WORST when it comes to this! I want sex a lot (like every day, sometimes more), but asking for it? Iâd much rather they read my mind, thank you very much! (Then they donât, and I feel neglected, then I write a post on how to not feel neglected when your partner canât read your mind.)
Seriously, short of rubbing my foot on their leg and saying âWhatcha doinââŠâ in a sing-song voice, I find it hard to voice desire. Iâve learned to because itâs that or be disappointed, but it remains difficult. Followers, any advice you can offer?
Initiating play and being spontaneous in the bedroom is not a Dominant thing. Itâs a couples thing. Both people can do it. When you flirt and tease your partner itâs because you are sexually attracted to them and want to have fun, treat it as searching for mutual pleasure.
Try to put yourself in his place. Your partner never initiate play or sex, they may show some slight interest, but your partner always waits for you to initiate. Do you start feeling like they arenât that into you? Do you start questioning your sexual attraction to them? Do you stop initiating yourself? Itâs a downward slope.
Being submissive does not mean you canât initiate. Itâs quite alluring when the submissive flirts and teases the Dom for play or sex. I donât think youâd disagree that itâs hot to know that your partner wants you and has just come up and whispered in your ear that they want to do naughty things to do in the bedroom.
–Â How to Initiate Play and Sex While Remaining Submissive
LunaKM also makes the point that asking your Dom to tell you what to do is âdirectâ but theyâll still be telling you what they want you to do!
And I love their point that seduction and initiating is a relationship thing, not a Dom or Submissive thing.
Thereâs a mixed discussion of the issue, plus a few good suggestions, on the very old, very old-school, âTaken In Handâ forum. Always interesting to see how socially-conservative, often anti-feminist, âsubmissivesâ historically approached these things.
There are a number of discussions of this on Reddit, of course. Hereâs one that sheds more light than noise: How to initiate sex in a submissive way.
Summarizing some of the suggestions that work for me (though keep in mind that Iâm a Daddy not a Dom.)
- hop in my lap and say “Daddy, I need attention.â
- wear something almost innocently revealing – maybe a long t-shirt with no pants
- if you have a leash and collar, bring it to me in your teeth (for pet play and Littles) or stand or kneel holding them out to me with your head down (Sub or Slave)
- kneel at my feet and look me in the eyes
- do something playfully/harmlessly bratty or sassy to get a playful/harmless âpunishment.â
- ask me a question that draws my attention to sex. For instance âdo you remember that time you…â
- put your hand (or face!) in my lap, drape yourself over my back, start kissing my head and face, hold my hand and put it in your lap, against your cheek, on your breast or ass. Then wait for me to say âdo you need something, kittycat?â Then nod demurely.
Or, getting back to lunaKM and even some of the Taken In Hand commenters, is it really that bad to be direct? I mean, you can be submissively direct and say âcan I serve you?â or âI really need a…â whatever it is you really need.
Speaking as a top, obviously, and as a soft Daddy and not a hard Dom or âDaddy Domâ I have to agree that thereâs a huge fucking difference between initiating sex and taking control. If a top doesnât get this then theyâre missing as much as half the fun.
And also, top or not, itâs really fucking hot knowing youâre wanted!
The Gentlemanâs Times â Gentlemanliness 101
You werenât taught how to be a gentleman? Â Hereâs 5 easy pointers to carry through your
entire life.Not every man was brought up to be a gentleman. Â Sure, we say that being a gentleman should be
instinct and not a lesson plan, but some men genuinely need a few hints on
being gentlemanly that they can use every day and for the rest of their lives:1) Â Open
doors for every woman, but especially your best girl. Â Weâve all heard the old adage that if a man
is opening a car door for his girlfriend, itâs either a new car or sheâs a new
girlfriend. Â In most cases, that old
saying is true, but it doesnât have to be.
Chivalry is not dead! Â Open doors for every single woman who wants
to pass through one, but most importantly, make sure your girl never touches a
door knob. Â In fact, make it a rule that
sheâs never to open a door if youâre with her.
You open the car door for her, the front door for her, and the bedroom
door for her.2) Â Hold her
chair while she sits. Â This may seem
like a silly rule of gentlemanliness, but it actually has a practical
side.  In the 20th century, floors
in restaurants were mopped with cleaners that could be slippery when they
dried. Â Holding a chair for your girl
assures that she doesnât slip and fall as her center of gravity shifts to sit
down. Â Besides, what gentleman wouldnât
hold a chair for his best girl?3) Â Walk
closest to traffic when youâre walking together.  In the early part of the 20th century, it was just assumed that if a man and woman were walking together,
that he would remain closest to traffic.
In those days, it was so that he â not her â would be splashed in wet
weather by passing cars, but thereâs still a modern reason for it. Â If a driver loses control of their vehicle
and veers toward the two of you, itâs much easier to push her to safety than to
pull her there.4) Â Stand
when she rises from her chair.
Whenever your girl rises from her chair (to attend the restroom or what
have you), make sure you stand when she rises and stand again when she
returns. Â To not do so is the height of
bad manners.5) Â Fuck her
roughly. Â Yes, a good, rough fuck is
the gentlemanly thing to do. Â Your girl
is not some porcelain doll who wants you to gently make love to her. Â She wants it hard and fast, but make sure she
cums at least once before you consider the night over.Sure, there are more basic rules such as paying for every
date, being the one to ask her out, and not cussing when youâre around her, but
you should know those already. Â These 5
tips on being a gentleman will help you become more refined around her and will
stand you in good stead throughout your life.Gentlemanliness 101,
The Gentlemanâs Times, Vol. 6, June 2017.
© 2017 Vintage in Stepford.  All
Rights Reserved.And gentlemen. The good news is that there are still plenty of ladies (even on Tumblr) who actually love you rather than loathe you for doing these things.
Since I rant a lot about how limiting gender stereotypes are and about toxic masculinity and femininity youâd think Iâd get bent about rules for Gentlemen. But Iâm not.
âLadiesâ and âGentlemenâ are a lot closer to roles than genders or sexes.
Iâd add that what it means to be either a âladyâ and âgentlemanâ have changed considerably over the decades. Â
Some of the items in the list are a little archaic. For instance itâs not really necessary to walk closest to traffic when youâre escorting someone. Instead, itâs probably a better idea to casually switch to whichever side potential harassment or risk is on. For instance, are you walking with someone whoâs got a bag over her shoulder? Regardless of which is the street side, choose the side that makes it harder for purse snatcher to do a hook and run. Make sense?
Similarly, the list doesnât include backing up your partner when she calls someone out whoâs dropped a sexist asshole remark and then been called a SJW bitch who canât take a joke. If you donât do that but you do slavishly walk closest to traffic youâre really more of a poser than a gentleman, arenât you? (Itâs very old-school Gentlemanly to encourage others to be gentlemen, and to chide, coach, upbraid, or soundly thrash them as approproate if theyâre not.)
The cool thing about being a gentleman? One of the two coolest proper gentlemen I know was an 80-year-old doctor from the American midwest. The other? A remarkable cross-dressing lesbian from the Pacific Northwest.
Bio-sex is what youâre born with. Gender is what society insists youâre âsupposedâ to be. But âgentlemanâ or âlady?â Thatâs 100% your choice, isnât it? Pretty wonderful that way, no?