Sometimes I don’t think men realize how important intimacy is before sex. Yeah like I know we are gonna fuck. But sometimes I wanna lay with you and make out and just have you touch me all over and slip a hand between my legs for a while so that after its all over I can think of the way your hands scorched across my skin. I wont ever forget.
Wait. Seriously? Pretty sure even when I was a callow, pimply-faced youth I still had sense (and sensuality… and self-respect!!!) enough to want to take my time, enjoy goddamn *sex* and not just a quick little jackrabbitery before doing… what? What else could you possibly want to do if you’ve got a warm, wonderful, naked woman next to you?
Honestly. Guys worry so much about “premature ejaculation,” and maybe they’re ashamed of themselves? Maybe they think “two-pump chimp” is a *complement?*. But fact is that stories about “blue balls” notwithstanding, the benefit of “foreplay,”. (It’s really sex) for men is it takes us longer to come, just like it help our partners take less time to come.
And puhlease don’t tell me that spending an hour kissing and being kissed, touching and being touched, holding someone and being held, licking someone and being licked, doesn’t add up to some *supreme* sexual pleasures of their own, even before you get to intercourse!
Don’t know if a Dom would appreciate their Sub taking initiative, let alone waking them up in the middle of the night. But an older, experienced Daddy doesn’t mind waking up for even the smallest emergency, does he, firebug?
By Thomas Oldenough | July 13, 2019 | Comments Off on Need someone who’s down to watch storms in my car with me while we listen to chill tunes and maybe makeout some as well
I miss watching thunderstorms from cars. And chilling in cars with tunes on tinny car speakers. And making out in cars during storms with tunes half forgotten and half heard between peals of thunder and whispered breathing.
This is probably the most used technique. It’s simple to do and will work well for anyone that enjoys
lots of clitoral stimulation. All you need to do is find a comfortable
position where you can easily access your clit with your hand.
Then it’s a simple case of holding your 4 fingers together and
rubbing them back and forth over your clit like in the diagram above.
As with all the fingering techniques here, the key is experimenting
with the direction and pressure you apply. Some women will prefer
moving their fingers side to side, while others enjoy more of an up
& down motion that also covers their labia and rest of their vagina.
While the 4 finger technique is great for reaching orgasm, it’s not
so good if you enjoy long drawn out ‘teasing’ masturbation. Thankfully
the next technique will teach you just that.
2. U Spot
Not many people seem to know about the U Spot. It’s the area of skin
just above your urethral opening and to the sides of it. To stimulate it
you just need to very gently stroke it with the tip of your finger like
in the illustration below. You’ll find that using lots of lube is best
to help keep it pleasurable. For some women, the U Spot can extend
higher than in this illustration, to right below the clitoris.
3. Fingering Yourself
I’ve covered a lot of masturbation techniques to bring yourself to
orgasm that focus on your clit. However, there are also a lot of great
techniques to make yourself cum that involve penetrating yourself.
Fingering yourself is the easiest.
It’s a simple case of making sure that your fingers have enough lube
on them, using either something like coconut oil or your own natural
lubrication and then slowly penetrating yourself. While you can simply
stick your fingers in and out of your vagina to find out for yourself
what feels most pleasurable, I always recommend that you try stimulating
your G Spot as this is almost guaranteed to give you an orgasm.
Your G Spot is located about 2-3 inches inside your vagina as you can see in the diagram and you can only find it when you are aroused as
I explain in the article on finding your G Spot. So if it’s your first
time, spend 10-15 minutes first getting yourself in the mood.
Now it’s just a case of stimulating it. Insert 1 or 2 fingers and use
the tips of them to press it, massage it and rub it.
4. Love That Shower Head!
If you haven’t yet used a shower head or faucet to get off then you
are missing out! While it’s not exactly a standard masturbation
technique, it feels incredible, yet quite different. All you need is a
faucet that you can maneuver your vagina under so that the water can
freely flow over it or a shower head that you can direct towards your
vagina.
Everyone that tries it
reports that the running water feels wonderful and can help you get off
very, very quickly. So experiment with the settings on your shower head
to find out what feels best. Quick Hint: You may find that the ‘pulse’
setting is best
5. Delightful Dildos
This last masturbation technique doesn’t involve your clit at all.
Instead you’ll be using a dildo to masturbate with and reach orgasm.
The In & Out – The easiest way to masturbate
with a dildo is to simply push it in and pull it out of your vagina,
over and over. However, if you angle it a bit, then you can hit your G
Spot & A Spot which will be a lot more pleasurable.
Using Your Dildo On Your G Spot – you first need to be aroused to hit your G Spot. Once you are, then you simply need to angle the dildo so that
it’s making direct contact with it. You can see the angle that you need
to make from the diagram below. Just remember that you really only need
short, shallow strokes to hit your G Spot. It’s about 2-3 inches deep.
Using Your Dildo On Your A Spot – If you’d prefer to
go deeper with your dildo, then you’ll hit your A Spot, also known as
your anterior fornix. Make sure you are careful at first as you might
accidentally hit your cervix when looking for it, which is very painful.
If you are having trouble finding it, then you may need to experiment
with the angle of penetration a little bit until you find it.
You can see in the illustration below that your A Spot is located
much deeper in your vagina, very close to your cervix. It’s location is
called the anterior fornix erogenous zone or AFE.
6. In Da Hood
Some women have a super-sensitive clitoris. So sensitive in
fact, that it can almost be painful to touch. If you are one of these
women, then you may find that using any of the masturbation techniques
that have been described above to be too uncomfortable…and possibly even
painful.
If that’s the case, then instead of applying
pressure directly to your clit, you need to instead use your clitoral
hood as a buffer. That’s the flap of skin just above your clit that
covers it. I’ve indicated it in the illustration above with a slightly
darker shade of pink (in real life your clitoral hood has no distinct
color). So if you have an overly sensitive clit, then try rubbing your
clitoral hood instead of your clit. You’ll notice that it’s a lot more
pleasurable.
7. Hood Life
Now, you may happen to be someone who suffers from a lack of sensitivity and
so need all the rubbing, grinding, touching & stimulation you can
get on your clitoris. No problem, to
allow yourself to stimulate your clit more heavily, you’re going to need
to expose it more. It’s easy and the demonstration above should be all
you need to expose it.
As you can see, by placing your fingers above your clit and on either
side of it, then slowly pulling the skin backwards, you will pull back
the clitoral hood and expose it much more. Now you can use your other
hand or a vibrator to stimulate it directly.
8. Featherlite
The featherlite technique is just like it sounds, it involves a
‘feather light’ touch. It’s best to perform the featherlite technique
while lying down in bed, with your legs spread open. You’re then going
to use just one finger (usually your index finger) to gently apply the
tiniest amount of pressure to the very edge of your clitoris as
demonstrated in the diagram below.
You’re only going to move your finger a few millimeters back and
forth making sure to apply only the slightest amount of pressure to your
clit. Many women report that it just feels too frustrating and they
can’t keep doing it for long, that it feels like they are teasing
themselves, while others report that the longer they do it, the better
it feels.
At least try it and do your absolute best to hold out
for as long as you can, making sure to always use the very least amount
of pressure possible.
9. Humping & Grinding Your Pillow
Many women first learn to masturbate through humping or grinding on
their pillow. It’s perfect for stimulating your clit and labia at the
same time. You’ll find that you get most friction, stimulation and
pleasure if you are wearing your panties or nothing at all while
grinding yourself off your pillow. Here are a few different ways to do
it.
If you have a long pillow like the one above, you can lie down on
your side with it between your legs.Then grip it between your legs and
pull it backwards so that it is against your labia and clit. Then just
start grinding.
If you don’t have a long pillow like the one in the picture above,
grab a mid sized one and turn it on it’s side and straddle it. Or fold
it in half and straddle it, whichever works best for you. Then rest your
weight right down on it. Before you start grinding on it, you can
adjust it so that it’s firmly pressed against your vagina. Then simply
move your vagina up and down the pillow and ride it to orgasm!
Another great way to provide even more pressure and stimulation to
your vagina when pleasuring yourself is to cover your pillow tightly
with a towel before you start masturbating with it. This way you will be
grinding over your slightly more rough towel instead of your pillow. It
also prevents your pillow from getting wet. Bonus Tip:
You can also experiment with putting different things like stuffed toys
or electric toothbrushes under the towel for a different sensation when
reaching orgasm.
Using a pillow is just the start. Why not try grinding on your
man the next time you are making out with him. Simply straddle his thigh
and start grinding!
10. Vibrator Time
Vibrators can give you the most intense orgasms…but
beware they can end up making your clit feel a little sore if you
use them too much.
Everyone has their own personal preferences but here are a few ideas
to get you going:
Some adore rubbing their vibrators all over their bodies and can even orgasm from using them on their breasts and nipples.
Some love feeling the vibrations indirectly on their clit. Direct stimulation can sometimes be too much. So use tip #9 if that sounds like you.
Some need direct stimulation on their clit to cum.
Some adore running their vibrator up and down their labia.
Some adore being penetrated by their vibrator.
If you are using a vibrator to masturbate play
around with it and see what gives you the most pleasure. There is no
“one size fit all” method to using a vibrator to orgasm. For more tips
& info on how to use your vibrator, check out this guide here.
I’m gonna keep this here because I legit need to learn more xD
When I was a very young man I found a bunch of sex manuals from the 40s, 50s, and maybe early 60s on top of a shelf where, I’ve always suspected, my parents hid them… where they knew we’d find them. (Because, seriously, at least back then there was nothing more humiliating for a kid than to get any kind of “birds and bees” info face-to-face from your parents.)
But there was actually quite a lot of information in there about ways of “inducing orgasms,” which was… pretty much how even the verging-on-pornographic manuals tended to put things.
I thought it was all pretty fascinating. I even learned how to masturbate from those books, and since there were loving descriptions and lovely drawings in the section on women’s orgasms I masturbated to those. Frequently.
You probably don’t have to be a psychologist to figure out where my little kink for making you come comes from. :-)
I love, love, love this post because it’s so non medical though! Not that there’s anything wrong with medical kinks of course (mmm, medical roleplaying games!!!) It’s also really awesome because not everybody comes the same way – often we’ll find one method that works and we’ll stick with that. That’s as true for men as for women. But as the OP shows there are lots of different ways, and from a neurological and musculoskeletal perspective different methods (again for men and women) develop different neural pathways to orgasm. And that can be very handy for partnered sex.
Ugh. Forgive me for getting all nerdy about this. I could really just say it’s a lovely infographic and leave it at that.
By Thomas Oldenough | June 23, 2019 | Comments Off on Ways for shy subs to initiate sex? Initiating is a department I am seriously lacking in and I seriously need tips I want to improve.
Awesome question for a couple of excellent reasons!!!!
Initiating can be hard for a lot of Subs. It just doesn’t feel like a very submissive thing to do. It can be even harder if the Dom is the sort who agrees it’s their job to initiate.
It can be especially tough when a Sub has a higher (real, imagined, temporary, or permanent) libido than their Dom.
It can be even more of a problem when the Sub is a woman and the Dom is a man, because we’ve got waaayyyyy too many dominant social myths and narratives about men wanting sex more than women.
Because of 1-3, above, it can be an even bigger issue when the Sub is a man and the Dom is a woman.
And if the Sub is a woman there are all those social “slut shaming” narratives to contend with – kinksters are rarely more than partly insulated from dominant social narratives.
The “good” news is this isn’t just a problem for BDSM or other kink relationships. It’s practically a running joke in vanilla culture no matter who’s initiating.
But enough about the why and on to the what. What are some things a Sub can do to… if not outright initiate then at least indicate that they’d like to have sex.
Wait! One thing not to do first! Being bratty or sassy is fine if that’s part of your D/S or D/Lg play dynamic. (Sassing a Dom, Daddy, or other kind of top can be a great way to get something started.) But don’t be an asshole in hopes of turning things into makeup sex, ok? One of my tags is “be a Dom, not a dick.” That applies to Subs too.
As I used to do back in the day I like to go find good sources and see what they recommend. For instance, here’s what lunaKM from SubmissiveGuide suggests
I’m throwing this out there for others to comment on because I am the WORST when it comes to this! I want sex a lot (like every day, sometimes more), but asking for it? I’d much rather they read my mind, thank you very much! (Then they don’t, and I feel neglected, then I write a post on how to not feel neglected when your partner can’t read your mind.)
Seriously, short of rubbing my foot on their leg and saying “Whatcha doin’…” in a sing-song voice, I find it hard to voice desire. I’ve learned to because it’s that or be disappointed, but it remains difficult. Followers, any advice you can offer?
Initiating play and being spontaneous in the bedroom is not a Dominant thing. It’s a couples thing. Both people can do it. When you flirt and tease your partner it’s because you are sexually attracted to them and want to have fun, treat it as searching for mutual pleasure.
Try to put yourself in his place. Your partner never initiate play or sex, they may show some slight interest, but your partner always waits for you to initiate. Do you start feeling like they aren’t that into you? Do you start questioning your sexual attraction to them? Do you stop initiating yourself? It’s a downward slope.
Being submissive does not mean you can’t initiate. It’s quite alluring when the submissive flirts and teases the Dom for play or sex. I don’t think you’d disagree that it’s hot to know that your partner wants you and has just come up and whispered in your ear that they want to do naughty things to do in the bedroom. – How to Initiate Play and Sex While Remaining Submissive
LunaKM also makes the point that asking your Dom to tell you what to do is “direct” but they’ll still be telling you what they want you to do!
And I love their point that seduction and initiating is a relationship thing, not a Dom or Submissive thing.
There’s a mixed discussion of the issue, plus a few good suggestions, on the very old, very old-school, “Taken In Hand” forum. Always interesting to see how socially-conservative, often anti-feminist, “submissives” historically approached these things.
Summarizing some of the suggestions that work for me (though keep in mind that I’m a Daddy not a Dom.)
hop in my lap and say “Daddy, I need attention.”
wear something almost innocently revealing – maybe a long t-shirt with no pants
if you have a leash and collar, bring it to me in your teeth (for pet play and Littles) or stand or kneel holding them out to me with your head down (Sub or Slave)
kneel at my feet and look me in the eyes
do something playfully/harmlessly bratty or sassy to get a playful/harmless “punishment.”
ask me a question that draws my attention to sex. For instance “do you remember that time you…”
put your hand (or face!) in my lap, drape yourself over my back, start kissing my head and face, hold my hand and put it in your lap, against your cheek, on your breast or ass. Then wait for me to say “do you need something, kittycat?” Then nod demurely.
Or, getting back to lunaKM and even some of the Taken In Hand commenters, is it really that bad to be direct? I mean, you can be submissively direct and say “can I serve you?” or “I really need a…” whatever it is you really need.
Speaking as a top, obviously, and as a soft Daddy and not a hard Dom or “Daddy Dom” I have to agree that there’s a huge fucking difference between initiating sex and taking control. If a top doesn’t get this then they’re missing as much as half the fun.
And also, top or not, it’s really fucking hot knowing you’re wanted!
Speaking of Subs initiating, I stumbled across a whole post about it!
