Posts Tagged ‘be my good girl’
One or the reasons I love being a D/Lg Daddy is because nobody ever says “isn’t that a little too vanilla?” Daddies love taking care of their Littles, not just spanking them.
Don’t forget that Submission is its own kink, feel sorry for Doms who do…
So if you don’t think Submission is its own, independent, autonomous, and equal kink and is instead all about your masterly/mistressly domly self then try the following thought experiment: how long would they stay with you if you stopped topping them?
If they’re only Submissive because you’re Dominant the correct answer will be “forever, of course, because I’m so awesome they’re magically magnetized to me!” If they’re Submissive because Submission is its own craving though… its own kink…
Well…
The correct answer might be something else, hmm?
This is just one of the reasons why I capitalize the S in Submissive as well as the D in Dom.
Hi, I’ve just started talking to a guy. He is vastly more vanilla than I am, but I’ve been talking to him about trying more kinky things. More basic like light spanking, letting him be a little more in control, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary yet. I was wondering how to not scare him with kinker ideas and, hopefully, application of them. Thank you
Good question! Sounds like you’re into things that might be kinkier than he’s comfortable with? And you’d like to do more with him… or more accurately you’d like him to do more with you, without coming on “too strong?” Just want to make sure. Please let me know if I’ve missed an important point, ok?
I can’t speak for all guys but if it was me (hey, it has been me in the past!) then two things would work really well.
First, “slow and steady wins the race.” Let him try those nothing-out-of-the-ordinary things with you first. And see how he likes it. Vanilla people, men especially, can take a little time to digest what a lot of us already know. What you’re a living example of: Submission is its own kink, and that what you want him to do is almost by-definition is rough but not violent, domineering but not abusive.
And don’t get me wrong – we want people to be reluctant about violence and abuse! And it’s actually a good thing to have a responsible Sub (you are going to be responsible) to help them learn how to distinguish them. (I say you’re going to be responsible because the last thing we want is him doing those things before he understands the difference.)
Second: Let him know that the idea of him doing those things with, to, and for you makes you wet and happy. Most men enjoy that idea rather a lot. Even more for someone they actually care about.
If you’re still really in the “just started talking” part of a relationship and not “bring your toothbrush in your bag” stage, it’s an even better time to talk to him about it. Being a Sub, even a hungry, horny one, doesn’t mean you’re necessarily hop in the sack with him right away. So it’s ok to talk about not just boundaries and limits but wants and desires before you get around to doing them. Just be clear those are ideals you have in mind, not that it’s either an invitation or a laundry list for him.
Oh, one last thing: let him know about the difference between “topping from the bottom” and mentoring him. Be clear that your intention really is to Submit to him – and that at each point it will be his decision what he chooses to do based on your feedback.
That said (since this is advice for everybody and not just you) it’s still his choice! He might not want to be a Dom. He might not want to be much of a Dom. Or not one all the time. You have to be ok with that too – boundaries, limits, and consent go both ways.
Let me know what you think. Feel free to show him this post too. I want both of you to succeed and be happy with who you both are and not who either things they or the other is “supposed” to be.
Best of luck! And thanks for asking!
Found the meme on Reddit. I was tempted to say “being a D/Lg Daddy in a nutshell” and yeah, it’s that. But really it’s what all real partners do for each other, isn’t it? Because no matter what our role or kink, remember we’re all partners first.
Honestly, there’s just too many folks down on themselves in the kink community. Any time you hear that inner voice ask yourself “Who says.” And then? Ask yourself “who else says?”
You deserve a little distance. Give yourself some.
🙈👑🍭
Good morning! Guess who’s feeling better after being down with a cold the last couple of days, hmmmm?
Hi! it’s the 19 y/o again. I just started college, the guy i’m talking to is 34. I’ve only hung out with him twice bc of distance n lack of cars, but this last time was amazing. no one has ever made me feel like that sexually or even just in general. He won’t give me a clear answer as to what we are and i just really wanna be with him. I’m also scared i’ll fuck it up because i have an eating disorder and bad depression. I always feel like no one can handle me or love me..
Part 2: still the 19 year old.. but i just wanted to add that college has been a bit rough. My eating disorder has not been kind and i’ve gained a little weight and it’s really wrecking me. i think that he won’t like me anymore or that i’m not attractive. i just have so much going through my head … ahhhh.. thank you
Thanks for checking in!
First of all can I just say congratulations! I remember you from last time. I’m glad things are working out with your partner. And can I just say it sounds like they really are working out?
Let me say that again. You’ve known him online and gotten along. You’ve met him twice and the last time was amazing! Sounds like things are really working out!!!!
Good for you! Good for him. Lucky you! And lucky him too! Because you’re probably pretty wonderful. If you weren’t there wouldn’t have been a second time, would there?
Ok. So now a little tough love. It might not last! Sure. You might let your anxiety and your eating disorder mess things up. Or he could never give you a clear answer… or even have a clear answer! Or distance could become too much of an obstacle. Or he could fall for someone else. Or, let’s be real, you could fall for someone else!
Shit like that can happen to the best relationships.
But here’s the trick: the measure of a deep, meaningful, awesome, and fullfilling relationship is not how long it lasts.
There used to be this old guy on the radio who’d do a shoutout to people who’d been married 50, or 75, or 90 years! I think they do this on morning TV shows as well. But, question: do you think most of those couples were happy for all 50 or 75 or 90 years?
You can actually have a perfect relationship in 24 hours – with a beautiful beginning, middle, and ending. One you’ll never forget. Even if you’re never be able to recapture it, even if, as in the Before Sunrise trilogy of movies, you’re able to reconnect years later.
There was a dessert chain in my town years ago. Their motto was “life is uncertain, eat dessert first.” Ironically they owners eventually lot interest, the quality went down, and they went out of business. I still miss them from their early days, even though I never went towards the end of their run.
Relationships can be like that. Including yours. It might last forever. It might not last much longer at all. But! Here’s the trick. As with that dessert chain, always honor the person you met, not the person you broke up with!
Not everyone’s made for each other. Not every time is the right time for a relationship to work. Sometimes things go great but your lives take different paths.
That’s all ok! The only “should” or “shouldn’t” in any of that is if you make a breakup a judgment about you.
I get that you’re dealing with depression and an eating disorder. I get that you’re struggling in college and it could be that your eating disorder is part of the problem. I get that you and your sweetie live far apart. I get that he doesn’t seem ready to commit to something with you.
Gonna sound funny, but none of those have anything to do with whether you’ll work out. I won’t have anything to do with it working out. It won’t have anything to do with not working out.
Instead it’ll be something completely oddball and out of the blue. Because love and relationships are like that.
But if it works out it won’t be because you’re a celestial superstar – lots of perfectly mediocre, doughy, underachieving, mopey, unlucky people have awesome relationships that last a lifetime. But if it doesn’t work out it won’t be because you’re mediocre, doughy, mopey, underachieving, or mopey. Because lots of stellar, super-fit, high-achieving, upbeat people can’t find love in a sleeping bag with a flashlight.
It won’t be you. It won’t even be him!
So….
That’s all my way of addressing your fears. They’re real fears and I want to acknowledge them. But! They’re not true fears! If that makes sense. You’re worried because you feel great and you don’t want this awesome feeling to end. And so you’re kind of making shit up because that’s what us human beings do – we can’t help ourselves! And you’re a wonderful human being, and because you’re a human being you can’t help yourself any more than the rest of us can.
One last thing: I hate, hate, hate pulling the age card. (I almost always have my tongue in my cheek when I say “older, experienced” in my caption.) But in this case I’m going to say it anyway.
Be happy with this relationship and don’t worry about it ending or falling apart. Really! The biggest fear I’ve noticed in myself and in others is “I’ll never love again.” Or maybe “I’ll never love like this again.” But really, you will! You’ll love this guy and if you do you’ll find you love him more and more. Or when this one ends, and you think the world’s going to fall apart and your life is over, you’ll meet someone else. And discover it gets better!
Even for depressed people. Even for people with eating disorders. Even people in college. Even people with older partners. Even people with partners far away. And even when your last relationship included moments that no one else had ever made you feel like either sexually or in general.
Here’s the trick with that: you were able to feel that!!! Yes, you felt it with him, but you felt that!
Someone once told me they realized every one of their exes had only one thing in common: them. And they said once they realized that they were able to find a partner that they’ve been with ever since. Not because the other person was wonderful, and definitely not because that person “finally completed them.” But because they realized they didn’t need someone else to “complete them.”
So they stopped looking for something in everyone else.
You said way up at the top that you’re worried you’re going to “fuck it up.” Eh. Maybe so! But I’m going to say I bet you won’t! That makes two equally unfounded opinions. Choose which one you like better, though!
Why am I going on and on with personal histories and stories about movies, and unfounded opinions, and blah, blah, blah? Easy!
I’m doing it because I want you to feel confident and encouraged, and not to worry that you might fall because if you do you’ll know you can get back up again.
Because if you’re not afraid of failing – at love, life, or poker – your chance of success goes through the roof.
Finally, yeah, he might not be willing to say “what you are” yet. To be honest it’s kind of early days. It’s possible he’s worried you’re too good to be true and worried that he’ll fuck it up, just like you are! That’s what I mean by it might not be you!
Be as generous to yourself as you want to be to your new sweetie. Even if you aren’t “made for each other” you’re still probably both pretty awesome human beings.
Best of luck!
From a university health clinic. Get tested between partners. Be safe. Be smart. You don’t have to use barrier methods like condoms or dental dams — most STIs aren’t incurable and almost all (e.g. warts, heroes, HIV, syphylis, gonnorhea) can be transmitted without intercourse.
But!
If you see new partners more frequently than the average incubation period then, yeah, use barriers. And get tested.
I honestly didn’t catch the vibe coming off him. I thought I’d misread the emails, the texts we’d sent. He wasn’t demanding, he was polite. So I felt safe being a little flirty, maybe even a little mouthy. I’m not much of a brat, but sometimes it’s a good way to weed out the ones that either like and reward bratty behavior (because they won’t be right for me) or worse, encourage it. He did neither. He raised an eyebrow, and grabbed my necklace, pulling me in until he was close enough to kiss me. His hand on my thigh went from teasing to firm, just shy of rough.
“Are you done?” he asked. And there it was – that look in his eyes I’d been hoping to see, the tone of his voice what was not boastful or obnoxiously demanding but calm, in control, assertive – the tone that said he was not going to take any crap from me.
It was as if he’d flipped a switch inside me. Three little words and everything in me went still. Mentally, physically. The butterflies in my stomach stopped and my racing thoughts shut down. He saw it too, I think, because he smiled. Those piercing eyes searched mine and he smiled.
“There you are,” he said finally. “That’s the submissive I’ve been waiting to meet all night.”
I love this caption.
This is what it means to be a “soft” D/Lg Daddy, cuddlebutton. Patience and understand without judgement and all given 100% sincerely with no expectation. Because that’s what a Daddy does.
But.
“Are you done” spoken nearly as mildly, and
“There you are?”
A “soft” Daddy is the string that lets your kite soar, and brings you back to earth when you fly too high.
This is more important than you can imagine.
Let’s say you post a selfie – not even a naked selfie, just a selfie. And 100 followers like or upvote it, 25 or 30 leave really nice comments, and one asshole says something about something pretty minor like… I dunno… a mole, or acne scar, or stretch mark.
If you can see your self worth you acknowledge the 100 human beings who Liked you and the 25-30 human beings who like you so much they took the time to actually say so.
If you have self-worth, you get that 100 people have just included you in their universe, and by acknowledging that you’ve made your universe 100 people larger as well!
If you have no self-worth you take the one dickwad’s comment to heart, and thereby totally fucking erased not only yourself but 100 other people who’ve acknowledged and appreciated you!
And you’ve given that one pants-wetting incel more authority and acknowledgment and respect than all 100, or 1000, or 10,000 admirers.
“There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you.”