I know there’s way better ways of measuring sexual satisfaction and enjoyment than basic orgasm counts. And I know some people can’t come, or have “squib” orgasms, or have terrible drops when they do. And do they enjoy edging endlessly to actually coming. And I’m ok with that.
But if someone gives me puppy eyes I’m always going to say yes. If I tease you it’ll always be as buildup, not taunting.
Because, honestly, I don’t need a partner to make me come. I can do that myself. Therefore for me a huge reward of partner sex (as opposed to partner dancing or holding hands) is making you come!
And so gratuitously denying you might frustrate me more than it would you, kittycat.
So if I’m understanding what you’re saying, he’s proposing a rule where you aren’t allowed to play and cum anymore, that only he is allowed to get you off? First and most obvious question: how practical is that? Unless you are seeing each other very regularly, that degree of deprival is rarely healthy emotionally or physically.
I’ve only masturbated twice in the almost-3 years since we started orgasm control. We live together, neither of us travel for work regularly and we have pretty well-matched sex drives. So it works for us. But I don’t know that I would sign up for ‘you will never touch yourself again’ because I think the reason why ours works is that he can meet my needs without me masturbating. I have no reason to think our circumstances will change but you just never know what may happen. If he were hospitalized for weeks, or if one of us wound up having to travel for a long time without the other or something, then I would want that option of requesting permission to masturbate.
I think even if I lived with my partner and we had sex every day, I would still feel the need to masturbate sometimes. I dunno. It’s a very different kind of release to me. Man. Even the idea of this is stressing me out.
I would recommend to anon that they start with a week or a month and then decide to continue or stop at the end of whatever period. And then after, say, 6-8 months, you can consider throwing around words like “permanently.”
This wasn’t my ask so this isn’t advice. But!
It’s all well and good for a Dom to float ideas. It’s actually great! Doms should do that (as well as consider ideas that their Sub floats!) But!
Only say yes to things that make you happy. That turn you on. That work for you!
If denial makes you (paradoxically) horny or excited or at least more interested, or if, like @amysubmits, it works for you to agree to come only at the hands of your partner, then great.
If it doesn’t work for you or if, like @cherishedproperty, it just makes you anxious? Then, yeah, decline politely but firmly.
