Posts Tagged ‘dont be a douche’
âWhy is cocksucker one of the worst insults we have when it describes one of the nicest things you can ever do for someone?â
– person im talking to about mass-scale social brainwashing/political mind-control
This was basically the first thing I said on my first-ever sex blog a very long time ago. Iâm sorry itâs still such a relevant question!
anon who got blasted for pointing to the double standard of all the hellfire damnation against a woman who uses her wiles to get sex yet men DO THIS ALL THE TIME and we s types are told we should have vetted, we got in too fast, we shouldn’t believe men because they lie in the beginning. wasn’t saying she was right, but I was saying that there are now four screens and two days of posts ranting on her whereas women get a “poor dear, you ran into a bad one eh?” Nobody calls it rape when men do it.
Wait! What? Itâs a whole array of crimes when men do it, same as women. Who besides strawmen says itâs not?
Also, âwiles?â WTF?
Assuming this is about the person who bragged earlier about âpurposely forc[ing] my ex to have sex with me and lose his virginityâ and also taking âthe one thing he had that he couldnât get back lolâ where do âher wilesâ come into it?
As for anyone⌠anyone who runs into someone asshat enough to dismiss a non-consensual encounter with âpoor dear, you ran into a bad one eh?â Iâd recommend
- frosting them in person with a clear explanation of consent, harassment, gaslighting, and assault, and also not being an assholeÂ
- if theyâre on Tumblr, passing them along to @toodomforyou and others so they can be roundly mocked, shamed, and, preferably, shut down
Also, Iâm pretty fucking sure warnings about vetting, going into things carefully, and not implicitly trusting tops isnât limited to women Subs. Submission and other forms of bottoming are just kinks, not gender, not identity, not chromosomes. Â
Bottoms need to be careful, period, because bottoms put themselves in positions (sometimes literal positions!) of physical vulnerability, and do so with partners who, even with the best intentions, are still fallible humans and therefore capable of causing everything from benign neglect to lasting, traumatic injury.
To put it in completely non-kink terms, a rollercoaster isnât even human but you still want to vet it before you strap yourself into it. If itâs not safe you could get hurt. Same with a human top. Any kind, any sex, any gender, any orientation, any experience level.
Ugh! There are definitely hordes of asshole men out there. Thatâs not even debatable. And when they show up in our Asks we shut them down, just like we shut down women who do the same thing.
Consentâs consent. Boundaries are boundaries. Respect is respect.  Giving anybody a pass when they do it isnât progress.
So here’s the scenario, Is it bad I purposely forced my ex to have sex with me and lose his virginity? I took the one thing he had that he couldn’t get back lol He was an obnoxious devout Christian with a purity ring so I wanted to take advantage of him the best way I could. I knew we wouldn’t last long term so I seduced him into bed at his parents house while they were on vacation visiting family. ???? He wanted to wait til marriage
Yes itâs bad. You should seriously look into therapy, youâve obviously got some fairly pernicious mental health issues if you think that is âlolâ worthy.
Itâs worse.
Heâll feel bad till he âconfessesâ to one of his church elders. Theyâll pay him on the back and say âthe spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.â Because they have zero expectations of menâs sexual virtue.
Meanwhile the anon
- Sexual assaulted what sounds like a minor.
- Reinforced âobnoxious Christianityâsâ narratives of evil âjezebelsâ who want to âtakeâ menâs âprecious bodily fluids.â
- Freed the ex to commit similar assaults on pure and impure partners and ex partners.
I agree with @instructor144 that therapy would be a good idea for the anon. Most non-traumatized people donât brag about shit like that. I mean look at how they framed the ask! Looking past the false bravado, the likely ages involved, and the fact they were with this âobnoxious Christianâ long enough to call him their âexâ they probably ought to talk to someone who can get them some help.
What would you think of a sub who said sucking cock wasnât a Sub thing? ????
So @instructor144 got an ask that went
âWhat do you think of doms who say eating pussy it’s not a Dom thing?â
Iâm not going to take the easy way out and say theyâre lazy or anxious âDomsâ who wouldnât eat pussy regardless. I wonât add that theyâre just too big a pussy to eat pussy, and theyâre using being a âDomâ to get out of it.
I mean, thatâs the answer but itâs too easy to say that.
So letâs turn that damn fool claim around and see how the opposite claim would fly, shall we?
Back in the late 20th Century, when hetero blowjobs were still insanely taboo and women were still basically second-class citizens, youâd hear sleazy pornographers and pimps justifying blowjobs by saying, earnestly and unironically …
âA woman is never more powerful than when sheâs on her knees with a cock in her mouth.â
So! Once youâre done laughing…
What would you say to a Sub who had a hard limit on sucking cock because having so much power makes it ânot a Sub thing?â
Iâd think they were full of shit and making up excuses not do it.
Just like Doms who say eating pussy is submissive are also completely full of shit.
What do you think?
⢠All aces experience their asexuality differently. â˘
Perfect! Iâve honestly never seen an orientation that alarmed people more than asexuality.  âYou must have been assaulted.â  âYou must be really inhibited.â  âHave you had your hormones checked?â All the sort of crazy things people used to say to âdiagnoseâ homosexuality still turns up for aces.
Itâs far easier to be in the closet about asexuality of course, and I suspect the vast majority of aces just never bring it up and nobody knows the difference.
But oh boy the scrutiny when word gets out! Â
The first questions used to be all about whether someone is âreallyâ asexual. As if it was an all or nothing thing. Like, do you ever have sexual feelings? Do you ever touch yourself? Have you ever kissed someone? Have you ever had sex even once? On, and on, and on, and if even one of the answers is in the affirmative the conclusion is either âaha, youâre not really asexualâ or, more condescendingly, âso thereâs still hope!â
Interesting statistic I read in a human sexuality textbook in the early 2000â˛s: the average lesbian has had almost twice as many male sex partners than the average hetero woman. (I donât remember the reasons, though I think it had something to do with the old âyou just havenât met the right manâ meme.)
Continuing the âjust havenât met the rightâŚâ meme itâs likely that many aces will have had sex partners as well, also based on the well-intentioned and/or uncomprehending âyou havenât met the right man/womanâ with the hopeful addition of âmaybe youâre just gay/lesbianâ and havenât met the right partner.
Just as the old âtouching someone elseâs dick even once makes you gay for lifeâ meme is also bullshit, soâs saying âif youâve ever done Teh Sex with another human being youâre not asexual.â
Again, I donât know why having little or no desire, interest, or response to sex makes so many people anxious. Â
Anyway, yeah, asexuality isnât just a thing. Itâs a spectrum of things. Get used to it.
Actual Conversation
Him: Have you ever been with a real Master?
Me: Define âreal,â pleaseâŚ
Him: I have a dungeon room in my house.
Me: Thatâs great. But those are toys. Surely you know that doesnât make one a MasterâŚ?
Him: Iâm getting the feeling you top from the bottom.
Me: Actually, not at all. I think itâs manipulative. When Iâm in a relationship Iâm very obedient – and expect transparency. But I understand the dynamic well and want to make sure someone is a good fit – and that we view things the same way.
Him: Thatâs a top from the bottom attitude. Good luck to you.
Me: lolbye
Ahahaha!
This is why I always capitalize Sub as well as Dom. Same with Slave, Little, Masochist, etc. Because whatâs the magic word behind, you know, submission?
I donât care much for the whole âsubmission is a giftâ meme because by the same standard domination is also a gift. The gift meme is a good half step up from the entitlement Mr Masterly McMaster seemed to be laying on @subgirlygir. But the real point of submission is itâs a goddamn choice.
âDo you submit? Yes, I submit.â Doesnât get much more choice-y than that, does it?
So where the fuck does âtopping from the bottomâ come in when thereâs no agreement to bottom at all? Thatâs not topping, thatâs just plain old-fashioned relationship negotiation.
Putting it in vanilla terms makes it even more obvious.  "We need a place to have a rave, can we use your place?â âWill you help cleanup the next morning?â  âWoah, woah, woah, good luck to you with that bossy attitude!â
Bwahaha. Amateur.
Nicely said. Iâll never forget sitting in a bar and hearing a set of lard asses opining that a receiver whoâd jumped for an overthrow pass and was hammered brutally âshould have had that.â When theyâd have been hard pressed to get off their barstools without wheezing.
This bothered me then and it bothers me, most recently, with the brutal obliviousness of the sociopath @femdomunicorn was recently attempting to engage with.
Respect your Subs, Littles, Slaves, and Masochists. Thereâs a non-zero chance you wouldnât last a minute swallowing what you think itâs no big deal to dish out.
reblog if you think women can be dominant and men can be submissive
I donât think it, I know it.
Stupid that anyone should need to reblog this. As stupid as having to post reminders that women can be doctors and men can be nurses. Same with chefs and table waiting, pilots and flight attendants, etc.
But, yeah, people need to reblog it because some people are still too stupid to figure it out for themselves.
Dom and Sub are kinks, not genders.
Does it ever bother you how femdom seems to be treated as a joke, like we are some sort of anomaly? I feel like I’ll never get the same level of respect a male dom gets. :I
Yeah, Iâve had a few encounters with male âdominantsâ who told me that femdom isnât real because females are ânaturallyâ submissive and guys ânaturallyâ dominant. I donât really care. Since Iâm also a feminist, I tell them that they should educate themselves and thatâs that ????ââď¸
Iâve got no business saying it but I get so cranky about the word âfemdom.â As though women Doms are such a goddamn peculiar phenomenon you have to use a different word!
I get further miffed because for most men âfemdomâ is a sex-work specialty, their incomes or âpowerâ as utterly dependent on fulfilling their customers preferences as any other fetish worker. (Sooo many femdom johns want their employees to reinforce gender stereotypes via âforced feminizationâ and âsissification.â As though the very idea of masculine Submission were unthinkable. But I digress.
So in my book you know what you call a woman whoâs a Dom? A Dom.
Do all women Doms have basically the same approach as Doms who are men? No. Same as all Doms there are a million ways to find satisfaction for oneself and oneâs Sub.
Men who pull that âmen are naturallyâ gendered bullshit need to get their heads out of their lazy, in-woke asses. Theyâre missing out on a hell of a lot of potential colleagues, mentors, and friends.
Actually, admit that youâre probably just a sexual human being who wants to do utterly normal things that sexually active adults enjoy doing but donât necessarily admit to the knee-squeezing prudes in church.
Honestly, why do folks whoâs sexuality is so distorted and repressed they can only tolerate PIV intercourse with the lights off, under the covers, till male ejaculation, and only for reproduction get off calling everything else âperverted?!?!?â What the fuck is up with that?!?!
See also old-school industrial pornographers, who routinely market their generally boring shit as âeXXXtreme,â âfilthy,â âoutrageous,â âshocking,â etc. (I swear most those guys – and theyâre mostly guys – are every bit as prudish as Sara Huckabee Sanders and Rick Santorum!) Â