Posts by Thomas Oldenough
So, I’ve never been in a real relationship and I’m 31. I usually am busy taking care of my family’s drama and trying to get my life back on track, but I don’t know how to date properly or do relationships. I have trust issues and don’t know how to go about trusting a guy, much less letting him know what I am into. Any advise?
Thanks so much for asking. I donât know if youâll appreciate my advice but itâs heartfelt. Youâve never been in a relationship. Youâve gotten wrapped up in family drama. Youâre trying to get back on track now that youâre in your 30s, but you have trust issues too?
Iâm pretty sure the best relationship-finding advice I can offer is to talk to a counselor. Not because youâre âcrazyâ – itâs another useless stereotype that counselors are only for âcrazyâ people, or that only âcrazyâ people go to counselors!
Instead Iâm saying it because between trust issues and what youâve said about dealing with family drama, a good counselor can help you separate yourself from your family drama enough to start having your own life. And help you enough with trust issues to start having a life with someone else. Besides your family, I mean.
The reason Iâm recommending this is that with a little outside professional perspective, help, and support you may not feel like you have to choose between all of the above. You can still support your family without being drawn in, establish yourself in your own social and career life, and maybe even find someone you can trust. And maybe even find someone whoâll be into the same things you are!
Iâm a kinky person and Iâm guessing you may have some kinky feelings too. And so it may surprise you when I say that kink doesnât bypass the rights and responsibilities of vanilla relationships. Kink extends those things, but a kink relationship is still a relationship. Thereâs no âinstead of.â And as Iâve probably said in the past, when it comes to kinky relationships youâve got to learn how to walk before you can crawl.Â
We all have a real tendency to say âI can figure this out on my own.â But as gently as possible Iâm going to say that for most of us if that were true weâd have already done it!
The wonderful, awesome, best news in the world, though, is that youâve taken the first big step: youâve asked someone for help! Good for you. There are so many people who never do! They just continue thinking âI can figure it out myselfâ until theyâre 93 and not 31!
The second most important step, though, is to understand that this isnât a question that can be answered in an anonymous ask. Because all I or pretty much anyone can say is âtalk to someone whoâs trained to talk to people just like you.â Not âcrazyâ people like you. And me! Iâve never been crazy as far as I know but Iâve gotten a ton of benefit from talking to various counselors over the years… once I got over the notion that I could âfigure it out myself!â You can too.
Best of luck, ok? Iâm not going to say âthank youâ for asking this important question. Instead Iâm going to say âgood for you!â Youâve done the hardest part.
hi! long time fan, haha. what’s the best way to comfort an insecure Daddy without being patronizing? I’d love to tell mine how much I adore every curve and stretch mark and freckle, ect. but I don’t know how to do it without worrying that I’m breaking “character” or my “role” so to speak if that makes sense?
This is a wonderful question! Thank you so much for asking. Itâs important to remember that Daddies and other men-identifying people can be just as self-conscious about our looks as anybody else. And just as annoyingly difficult to convince otherwise!
As the old Red Green show tagline used to go, âIf the women canât find you handsome they should at least find you handy.â Which was just ridiculously tragic, because, in fact, quite a few women are over the moon about âdad bodiesâ and âteddybears.â (Also waifs, nerds, and other non-ruggedly-manly body types.) This is something that wayyy too many men donât realize.
So whatâs the best way to comfort a Daddy whoâs insecure about his curves, stretch marks, and freckles? I honestly canât say â Iâve had very little luck convincing anybody theyâre attractive if theyâre convinced theyâre not.
It wasnât till I started posting naked or nearly-naked selfies that I believed it. Itâs one of those weird âwho are you going to believe, everyone else or my own lying eyesâ things where I look at myself and I still canât believe it. Iâm just outvoted. (I donât necessarily recommend he start posting nearly-naked selfies, and you might not want him to either, but heâd probably be surprised how outvoted he was.)
But letâs talk about something else for a second. You said you didnât know how to do it without breaking out of D/Lg character with him. First of all Iâm gonna say there are a million ways to do it in character: just shower him with âhandsome, gorgeous, sexy Daddyâ or âbig, strong teddybear Daddyâ or maybe âcan I kiss you everywhere youâre handsome, Daddy?âÂ
But Iâm also going to say itâs ok to say âDaddy, Iâm going to have to put on my big-girl pants for a minute and have a heart-to-heart talk.â Because even in 24/7 relationships there are going to be times when you and he have to talk like adults in a relationship⌠which of course you both actually are! Kink relationships are still relationships! They donât erase or invalidate vanilla-relationship responsibilities, they extend them. And that can include things like conversations about mental health, biological health, financial issues, work or school schedules, and reassurances about self-esteem.
Best of luck to you and to your very lucky Daddy. And thanks so much for asking about this!
đ Back with another cockwarming (ish) question. Can someone cockwarm with their mouth? Or is that something different? And thank you for answering my previous question.
What a sweet question! And youâre welcome about my last answer too.
Readers may remember that cock warming (as defined by Urban Dictionary, for instance, means…
cock warming
The act of a man slipping his erection into his partner’s vagina or ass in order to keep warm – a more intimate version of spooning.
eg. “Jake held Jenny close for a bit of cock warming before they fell asleep.”
You may also remember the nerdy tidbit that it seems to be popular with fans (and fanfic writers) of Korean K-pop.
If you ask me Iâm going to say that while one can cock-warm someone with their mouth I prefer the term cock nursing. As in…
âMeanwhile, under his desk Jenny softly cock nursed Jake while he did important Daddy spreadsheet things on his computer.â
Thanks for asking! Let me know whether you think cock nursing is different from cockwarming. (I think either way itâs a wonderful feeling.)
since when did THIS
become sexier than THIS?
fucked up that we don’t make belts with loops for holding blades or pouches for storing coins and dried herbs anymore
Hmm. Why would anybody think a plain old belt was sexier than one with built-in pouches and pockets and sheathes and holsters with auxiliary thigh straps, cuddlebug? I mean, all a D/Lg Daddy can do with a regular belt is double it in his big strong hand… đ
(Donât get me wrong! As a former professional journeyman leatherworker those other kinds of belts are so much fun to make, and they really are good for carrying swords or hammers or coins or dried herbs! But take it from an expert: plain old Daddy belts are just soo much better for spanking naughty Little elves and minxes, arenât they?)
Itâs been almost a year since the corporate incels who runTumblrâs corporate owners wet their pants. Â Luckily they havenât figured out that âfemale-presenting kissesâ are even more erotic than âfemale-presenting nipples…â
đ
Cute date idea: you win me a huge teddy then make me hump it while you watch once we get home
An older, experienced Daddy who understands that not everybody is ready for penetration finds other ways to help you show get off, doesnât he, appleseed?
Just a reminder that not wanting a dick pics isnât the same as not wanting a dick. Â
Paradox: Guys who donât send dick pics get asked for dick. Guys who do send them donât get dick!
Iâd say âitâs a great mysteryâ except… well… itâs not a mystery at all, is it? đ¤ˇââď¸
Sooooo many ways to have you on, over, and in my lap, kittywhistle. This might be my favorite one of all!
Wake her up with your fingers deep inside her
When I wake up in the middle of the night, as I often do. As I just did…