Posts Tagged ‘sexual stereotypes’
âPet.â
Thereâs a reason Traditional men call their girls âpetâ.Â
Just like a pet, a submissive girl needs to know there are boundaries. Fences keep in pets and rules keep girls accountable.
Just like a pet, a submissive girl needs appreciation. She needs to hear âgood girlâ often to know sheâs loved and valued.
Just like a pet, a submissive girl needs routine. You walk your dog at the same time every day, and your girl should have a chore list and a time limit in which to complete it.
We call girls pets because we treat them the same as we would treat a beloved pet – by imposing boundaries, showing appreciation, and enforcing routine.
And thatâs exactly what both pets need to be happy and fulfilled.
-VIS
The difference being that âtraditional menâ actually fucking believe their adult, human partners are nothing more than domestic livestock!
The King James version of the 10 Commandments, which is literally as fucking âtraditionalâ as Western Civilization gets, goes like this:  âThou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.â
In âtraditionâ women arenât people, theyâre a manâs things! Just like his ox or his ass or his servants or real estate.
Meanwhile every legitimate kinkster understands that their partners are independent, autonomous adult human agents of their own destiny. I say that categorically in the sense that anyone who fails to understand this isnât a kinkster, theyâre just loud vanilla.
So if Iâm a kinkster I may call you âbaby,â or âpuppy,â or âteapot,â or use pedestal words like âprincess,â or âangelâ or even use judgment words like âgood girlâ or ânaughtyâ to accentuate a shared erotic mood. But in kink those words have the same semantic weight as paper parasols in a fruit cocktail – decoration only, not the truth. The truth is we both know, and deeply care, that youâre your own grown-assed woman self. Â
D/S, D/Lg, and other power-exchange kinks are awesome because theyâre voluntary agreements between equal, autonomous partners. We play itâs the tropes and language of âtraditionâ precisely because itâs transgressive and therefore we donât really mean it.
Tradition doesnât just mean it, they believe it and go to extraordinary lengths to force it down everyone elseâs throats. So fuck âtraditionâ and the oxen and asses it rode up on.
The mistake people make about D/Lg is thinking Littles arenât autonomous adults with their own independent kinks who are both capable and erotically motivated to act and initiate on their own behalf.
Is it really bad I would now love to hear your answers to the last two (transphobic) questions, because while they were asked in bad faith the moral issue underneath is something lots of people arenât sure about and you are so wise?
Itâs not bad but Iâm not doing it. When people are going off about âyou deserve to be killed because of who you are and who youâre attracted to,â itâs no time to make yourself vulnerable and gentle and bare your soul about âthis is so complicated because the heart wants what it wants, but surely that is an oversimplification because no one develops their preferences in a vacuum, but once the preference has developed it feels like a full part of oneself, and perhaps it is, but is that just complacencyâŚâ
Thatâs an interesting conversationâand Iâm honestly not 100% sure where I stand in itâbut it canât be had in the midst of a crossfire. Knowing that if I word one phrase poorly, itâll be screenshotted and bandied about as âLOOK AT THIS RAPIST DEMANDING VICTIMSâ makes me extravagantly disinclined to dive into the nitty-gritty of the intersection of marginalization and sexual desire.
Itâs genuinely unnecessary to engage with trolls. It takes them two seconds to reach into their pants and throw a fresh piece of shit. No sense at all spending time answering sincerely because theyâre just rummaging around in their trousers for something else to toss.
Itâs also genuinely unnecessary to respond to zombie ideas: defined by Paul Krugman as âa view that’s been thoroughly refuted by a mountain of empirical evidence but nonetheless refuses to die, being continually reanimated by our deeply held beliefs.â
Itâs also unnecessary to mud wrestle with a pig. Youâll both get covered in shit and the pig likes it.
This doesnât mean donât give answers to honest questions to people who sincerely want them. Instead the key is âwhile they were asked in bad faith.â Â
Address the issue, not the question. Address the problem, not constant deflection.
As Cliff points out, correctly, a trollâs intention is to get as long and (preferably) annoyed and upset an answer as possible in order to cherry-pick your one typo or badly worded sentence in order to… turn that into another turd to fling at you.
If youâre going to engage at all (not recommended) just put it right back on them and move on.
- “Wow, you seem pretty fragile there, snowflake.â
- âWow, Iâm sorry you canât distinguish between consensual play and abuse.â
- âWow, you really think all feminists are TERFS?â
- âThey said âgive me a chanceâ and you heard âyouâre transphobic if you wonât have sex with me, me, me?â Talk to me after you get your ears checked, pal.â
Feel sorry for the folks who canât see that Masochists have their own autonomous kink thatâs independent of any partner. Having agency, they can and do act to initiate S&M interaction rather than simply responding to their partnerâs initiative.
Sweet kitty â¤ď¸
Feel sorry for the folks who canât see that Littles have their own autonomous kink thatâs independent of any partner. Having agency, they can and do act to initiate D/Lg interaction rather than simply responding to their partnerâs initiative.
Feel sorry for the folks who canât see that Littles have their own autonomous kink thatâs independent of any partner. Having agency, they can and do act to initiate D/Lg interaction rather than simply responding to their partnerâs initiative.
Always gotta feel sorry for folks who think a Sub should never be on top. Cause youâd be soooo dominant humping Daddyâs thigh like a little animal, wouldnât you, tugboat? Mmhmmm. Just a desperate, whimpery little tigger, huh?
Real talk, Soph – I’m a virgin and scared to have sex for the first time, but I want it to happen, but there’s no one who I wanna get dicked down by right now…I’m so impatient. Thoughts???
hey there! i totally understand where youâre coming from! before i get into this just remember that for the most part virginity is a social construct.
i think thereâs two big things to address in this ask, but just keep in mind that i havenât given advice in ages, so this all probably sounds unhelpful lmao
1. being scared to have sex, but wanting it to happen: i get this 100%. i am absolutely terrified to have sex that will involve penis/strap penetration, but obviously i am a horny bastard whose brain goblin is always thinking about sex, so itâs weird. how can one be scared of sex, but also really really want it at the same time? i unfortunately donât have the answer to that question. all i can say is that i relate.
2. thereâs no one that you want to be dicked down by: i hate to say this, but thereâs really nothing i can do about that. itâs sort of on you. itâs totally okay not to want to be dicked down by anyone around you rn, but i would try and evaluate which matters more. having sex just for the sake of having sex and having sex to get over your impatience or having sex with someone you actually want to dick you down, ya know? iâm not saying to drop your standards or anything, but if youâre really that impatient maybe look around again and see if anyone catches your eye??? i dunnoâŚ??
i hope this helps, or at least gives you some insight into my thoughts!
I hope you donât mind me sharing and adding my thoughts.
I 100% understand being scared but wanting sex. Like, Iâm not into penetration (90%cof the time⌠sounds nice in theory but not practice), but I want to be eaten out soooo bad.
Combine the fear with not having anyone you want to have sex with⌠that puts you in a bit of a pickle.
Virginity as a physical thing is socially constructed, but you are still mentally a virgin as well and thatâs a hurdle to get over. Sex can be super sweet and intimate and whatever you want it to be, but the first time can be scary and overwhelming.
Honestly, my advice is:
1) figure out who you want to have sex with and what type (penetrative [oral, anal, vaginal], non-penetrative, intercrurual (sorry for spelling), etc),
2) if you are into penetration, buy a dildo. But multiple dildos of different sizes. Use them to get comfortable
3) find someone you want to have sex with (either irl or on tindr or something
4) set hard boundaries and talk before hand about your hesitations
5) have fun. Dont take it too seriously. Communicate what feels good and what doesnât DURING sex.
Donât rush into anything without evaluating, but if you are just real ready to have sex, it canât be too hard to find a willing partner, even if it isnât someone you initially considered
THANK YOU FOR WORDING WHAT I COULD NOT!!!! :^)
Awesome thoughts, above. @a-queer-sub-babyâs advice is particularly good! Â
Iâm going to mostly try and add a human face to the pragrmatic… well… ins and outs.
The anon says they want to have sex but thereâs no one they want to have sex with. Theyâre scared but they really want to.
Dicks come attached to people. Have sex with people, not their dicks. You wonât be as scared if itâs someone you know and like. Jitters, butterflies, and false starts, yes. Scared, probably not so much.
Youâd think and older, experienced man would say âfind an older, experienced man to âtakeâ your virginity.â But nope. If you have one in mind, and he likes you and you like him then thatâs fine, really. But by far the best advice I can give is to find someone with as little experience as you do and learn together! More importantly, look for someone whoâs as scared as you are!
Look for someone whoâll listen. And someone whoâs willing to give up their preconceptions about what sex is âsupposedâ to be and whoâs willing to gently push back when you start manifesting what you think sex is âsupposedâ to be. Because youâre going to do a lot of that.
He doesnât have to be the love of your life. See if you can find someone whoâd be a good study partner for a course or lab in school. Someone whoâs able to participate and collaborate and not either slack off or do it all himself. Because collaboration and participation what good sex is really all about.
Sex isnât anything like what they do in porn. Donât do anything like they do it in porn. Â
For something us mammals have been doing for ~210 million years, intercourse is actually pretty complicated. If you were a beginning skiier, intercourse would be marked as a solid blue hill. Again using ski-hill lingo, do all the bunny slope and green run stuff first to warm up for it.
Itâs not so complicated, however, that you need prior experience. Unlike skiing you can learn a lot of it from a book and do all the exercises with someone whoâs at the same level of (in)experience as you.
They should also want to have sex with a person and not just want to have sex. They donât have to love you, or maybe even like you (though liking really helps.) But they really do want to be motivated to check in with you, to stop you when you donât check in, to debrief with you after, to negotiate before, and be willing and able to make it fun!
You need to be willing to make it fun too. Â
Sex is supposed to be fun. Itâs not an SAT, GRE, LSAT or MCAT exam.
Do all the safe-sex things, please. But also do the fun things.
Anyone who reads this blog should be an adult. Thatâs fine, lots of adults havenât had sex yet. (True fact: about half of all college sophomores havenât had intercourse. This surprises everyone but really shouldnât.) But thereâs still some really awesome advice on Scarleteen.com, the incredible sex-information and peer-support for younger people. Since youâre an adult you shouldnât create an account or interact, but you can still learn a ton from their public posts and articles.
Two I really recommend:
- Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
- Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
Final note: thereâs a common social myth that men always want sex and therefore women can always find a man to have sex with. This is kind of a bitter joke for a vast number of women in the world.
Have sex with people, not dicks or pussies.
Best of luck!
Two important points about adult Littles…
- Cute cotton panties and a t-shirt are highly underrated âlingerie.â
- When I ask you to crawl under my desk and fix something I genuinely appreciate that you can actually fix them!
Just wanted to acknowledge those two things. I might pull you into my lap and call you Daddyâs little gumdrop, but Iâll never, ever doubt that youâre a damn capable gumdrop.
Big hats off to @submissivefeminist for gathering this list. And yeah, most of these arenât taught in public or private sex ed.
This isnât necessarily the fault of curriculum developers. And sometimes youâll find at least some of those points in sex ed textbooks.
But itâs an awesome list and not everyone knows, or remembers all the items even if the did hear them in sex ed.
Take a quick read and pass it along.